Don't let me drown

Eighteen

She dropped her bag in the grass next to her bike and breathed deeply.
She opened her bag and found her block note soon. She grabbed a red pen - which suited her arm perfectly - and opened a blank page - the first one.

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For Ashton

The person I adore the most
The person I loved the most
The person which let me show what it was like to be me
The person who showed me what friendship was
The person who showed me that I was worth it.. For a while
The person who showed me what music was
The person who showed me what joy was

And the person who let me feel love... For you Ashton <3
You promised that you never would leave me
And you never did
But I can't do this no more
So I leave the world...

But you'll never leave me
I know that
And I'll never leave you either
Only if you want to
It's your decision
Just like this is mine.
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She closed the books cover and laid the little book at her bag. She laid a big heart-formed stone on top so it wouldn't blow away.
Fly away... Just like she would.

She did like last time:
**Next to her bag, she dropped her jacket and went to the side of the pond. She turned left and looked at the ground - and found what she searched for. A plastic bag.

She grabbed it and turned around, stepped into the water and walked as far as she could. When she lost ground with her feet, she started swimming. She loved it. It was so cold and so heavy with her clothes, but so free and she loved the loneliness.**

Just like last time, she took a deep breath and put the plastic bag over her head. She put an elastic band around it - which she wore around her not sore wrist - and put it around her neck.
She swam a few feet further, not knowing where the middle of the pond was.
Then, she formed a heart with her hands and she dove under water. She broke her heart which she had formed with her hands - which was the the truth.

She would lose Ashton.
And she couldn't accept one more loss.
She couldn't.
So she decided to leave.

And she bought a ticket to another world
Even though she didn't want to go
Even though she didn't want to go.