Snake[Izaya X Reader]

Madness

He left [f/n] behind, it seems like everything is over. For a moment he stops in front of her apartment taking a deep breath.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!!??" a shrill scream which is mutened by the walls suddenly stops him from leaving. He's shocked, more like confused. 

"WHY!!??" once again scream echoes. In his surprise he leans on the door. He feels uncomfortable, he feels like he has done something wrong.

Why didn't I say anything? slightly he smiles. Back then he was ready to say something, but then he remembered. He remembered that moment when [f/n] said that she wants to break him. Maybe that was why she was acting so concerned, just to get close to him, to give him hope and then she would break him? So it must've been a play? He felt it on his own skin how much she enjoys hurting him, like she hates him from the bottom of her heart. He wished for sadist for his masochism, someone who would suppress his pain. But there was something that seemed to scared him, he isn't sure what, but he isn't ready to risk it. He isb't ready to set himself on fire, and that would be exactly what he would be doing to himself if he would keep around [f/n]. He is not ready to let anyone close, not anymore. Every single time when he tried to be kind to others he got hurt. Not even one person was there for him, the damage was already done.

"I-I..." the walls muted the sound, he cam't hear anything. His body shivers, he barely holds his self on place, but at the same time he isn't able to move. His mind is out of order, after a while he steps away from the door. His hand is ready to open the door, it's so close to, he's so close to go back to her. He has a feeling she'll start to cry any moment. He wants to make it sure if it really was just a play, he wants to know what was that scream about.

what am I doing?! quickly he takes a few steps back. His eyes are shaking as he already starts to walk away, in hurry, like something will drawn him back to those thoughts, back to her and his uncontrolled actions.

what is going on? Her reaction was different that he expected, it sure was confusing. But! But still something is bothering him. He knows [f/n] for quiet a while. And yet he can't understand what is going through her head. He realised that instead of trying to understand, he tried to break her. Since when did that wish come in his subconscious?

...why were her eyes terrified? he really can't understand her, he really wants to....those mixed signals...that desperate scream. Such a puzzle which started to poison his mind.

He feels a strange feeling. It isn't the feeling of disappointment nor the feeling of loneliness which he has been pushing down by telling himself that he has all human beings underneath him.

....what is this feeling? something seems to ache in his lungs, in his stomach, in his whole body. Oh how confused has his mind become. He can feel his heartbeat resonating on his hand, it has spreaded all over his body like disease which has began to run through his blood. Finally wildness stops in his head which got heavy as his heart starts to tingle. Something he would never be able to achive throught observation, only by expiriance. Heartbeat starts to slow down, his nerves are relaxed like he is about to drift into sleep. That relaxed sleep which comes after a long cry caused by buried feelings which rush out late at night. He knows [f/n] caused that, such a bitter feeling which he has never felt before. 

huh? something wet runs down his check.

Once again somethig drops on it. 

He gazes up to the sky. The drops are falling from the above, while the clouds creat dark aura. 

Slightly he begins to laugh. His laughter is getting louder and louder unitil he expands his arms spinning. He feels like a fool. And yet! And yet an excitement shines in his eyes. Sensation! which made him mad. Madness such madness it seems. Like it will blow him away any moment. Something completly new, for a first time he feels like he's the one who got manipulated.

"fascinating! So fascinating!!"

"my humans!! they never disapoint me"

"I love humans!! I love them so much!!!"