Trust No One.

||Chp 16 ||

Chp 16: I need to let go.

Amber.

This decison to choose between Anderson and Ethan is above one's understanding.I'm lost and alone. I can't pay attention to anything lately. I have been avoiding Ethan every single time he approaches me.But it's hard to do that because we have the same classes in college and well he only has one friend he hangs out with which is me.

He started to get suspicious and asked me if everything was alright in creative writting class and I noded my head in affirmation.

Maybe things are okay and I'm just making it worse. Maybe Ethan won't be mad at me.He would be confused as to why Andy and I are hanging out and ignoring him.Or maybe I can keep this a secret. But there is already enough secrets bottled up in my body that I feel I can spill them all at once.

After American Literature I  rushed out of the class like there was an apocalapse coming and decided to sit on the bench at the campus lawn. It was quite no one was around and that was what I needed.

I needed sometime to think this out. I was avoiding it as much as I can. But I  need to do this. I can't escape this feeling I have for him.

My whole life was okay before Anderson Grey walked into it.Now its all about him and his stupid lies. I just hate being involved. But everytime I feel its a bad idea it brings me back to that Christmas party. He had said all the nice things and was a perfect gentleman. We talked alot about everything.Not about our past but about the future.I told him my story and he told me his.

I realised that even though we came from different worlds we both wanted to choose our own destiny.

He said he wanted to go to NYU and had got accepted too. He was going to major in Journalism. After which he wanted to be a content writer for GQ. His plans were simple and very safe.I asked him about his family and he said that he did not care about them much.

But he did say something about his sister and how they were similar and how they both hated being a rich family.

I asked him why and he said that everything was scripted. Everything he did had a ulterior motive. He hated that his mother basically  controled his every move and that she would not like him hanging around with anyone lower than their family stautus and thats why he only had Kyle, Trisha and Kathleen as his squad.

And Ethan as well.He wanted to be normal and do normal things and Ethan had access to that lifestyle he was down to earth and loyal to him and thats the reason he liked him. Even though the rest of his friends and his parents didn't like him hanging out with Ethan that didn't stop him.

We talked alot and when it become late he droped me back to my apartment. I offered him to come up for a cup of cofffee and he said some other time. He kissed me on the cheek and said good night.

And that was it.

It was Simple.
Honest.
Random.

I know it wasn't a great night  but it just made me feel good.I felt something for him.I never felt this way ever since Zig.

He has called me up over 100 times and texted me too since I stood him up. I feel bad for what i did. But i didnt know what to do.I was confused. I couldnt just jump into this relationship without even giving it a thought, I still can't.

But i can't keep him hanging around waiting for me.

It's Easy.
Say Yes or No.
That's it.
Don't think just do it.

Just then Anderson Grey Calls.

I answered the call.

"Yes!"

"Yes? " I heard a confused voice on the other side.

"Look I know this is bad and I know I'm going to hurt Ethan but your just everything and more. I need you Andy. "

" I need you Amber. "

I hanged up the call.We didn't have to say anything after that. We both needed each others presence in ourlives.

It dosen't matter who we hurt along the way or even if we hurt each other. Atleast we'll know if this leads to something. Atleast we tried.

I'm ready for this.

"Amber who was that. So you got a new friend huh?  That's whay all yhis is about its okay A.I'm not going to be jelous",said Ethan.

What the hell! Ethan you were not suppose to hear that and wht is it with you. I need space.Can you respect that. Gosh.

"Whaaa...What's wrong with you all of a sudden. "

You know what you are a lonely guy who dosen't have friends.You only have me. That's it. Ethan I need to be alone sometimes having you around 24/7 is irritating I need to meet new people and since you don't want to do that.I will.Bye Loner.

I ran to my car opened it and cried and balled my eyes out.

What is happening to me?  What have I become?

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( Hey! First I would like  to say sorry for not updating I know its been a while but I will be updating every other day.

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Love - N.D.)