Trust No One.

||Chp 14||

Chp 14:Is it desire or is it love? 

Amber

This feeling I have for him is so wrong but it feels so right. I can't hide these feelings, I can't deny this love.

All my life I have waited to fall in love.In high school I thought I would find the guy of my dreams.Like my book would fall and the bad guy with good looks will pick it up. Just like they show it in the movies.I never wanted it to be that cliché but I wanted something. I wanted someone to love me.Growing up in a small town people really didn't care much about these things until it was time to get married.They focused on their ambitions and goals in life.They focused on how they could make a better life for themselves and their children.

I've been waiting for that perfect guy.But I never wanted to fall for a bad guy. But now I have.

I'm a small town girl who moved to New York for college. I never understood how I got here. Do I really deserve to be here? The truth is I'm insecure. I don't believe in myself. I'm not that confident.That's the reason I didn't want to accept Anderson's proposal.

I thought I would just keep to myself because I wouldn't fit in anyway.That way I would stay away from embarrassing myself.

But then came along this cute guy named Ethan. He listened to everything I had to say. He had a lot to say too. Mostly his stories involved high school and his friends and the parties he attended and how he liked to hang out with this rich guy and how he hated Kyle.

Kyle and Kathleen are in some of my classes but they never really spoke to me.Until I met Kathleen at the rich dudes place that day.

Everything is so new to me. New city. New college. It's a new life all together and then I get dragged into all this drama with Anderson.I didn't ask for any of this to happen.Now I'm in the middle of having a best friend who's shoulder I can cry on and a guy who I know nothing about who killed and betrayed his friends also I have a major crush on him.Great.

Why can't life come with guidelines because I could really use some help right now.I know what's the right thing to do. But I guess I've always done the right thing because it feels safe and it doesn't push me. I don't really learn anything because I never make bad choices. But this time it needs to be different. I need to choose the wrong path. I need to know what it feels like.

It's not that bad. This guy is a good person deep down. I know I can change him. Maybe I'll be the reason he changes.If I decide to choose Anderson that means I can't be friends with Ethan anymore.

He can't know about everything. That guy idolises Anderson, he loves him.It would hurt him.It would even hurt him more if I start hanging out with Andy. But if this is the way I need to go down this bumpy Road then so be it.

I texted Andy telling him that we need to meet asap. I didn't know any place.I thought about my apartment but Ethan stays nearby he could bump into Andy it would ruin everything.Just when I was about to give up.He replied.

ANDY:Hey! Amber. What's good?  Yeah!  We do need to meet up. There is something I need to tell you.

Me: I'm chill. A little confused. There's something I need to talk to you about too.Where can we meet?

ANDY: My friends place his name is Tryston he is a cop. Don't worry he knows everything and is cool about it.I'll send you the location.

Me: Woah!  Cool I'll meet you there.

He has a cop friend no wonder he hasn't been arrested till now.

It's finally happening. I've been waiting to talk to him.That Christmas party changed everything. I didn't care about what he did. I just wanted him in my life.For the first time in my life I really felt happy.

After my parents died I never smiled. I use to live with my uncle and my cousins.They were family but they hated that they have to look after me. My cousins were jealous of me too and even they didn't say anything they wanted me out of their lives.When I got accepted to NYU that's when I knew I'll be able to smile again and I did.I didn't like that town. It reminded me of my parents it was a small town so everyone I met would remince about my parents. It was really depressing.After a long time I smiled and I hope this smile dosen't get wiped off.

I took my car keys and slipped into my converse. I was wearing sweatpants and a purple hoodie I didn't give a damn. I needed to be in his presence it makes me feel good. It makes me feel happy. It makes me smile. It's so amazing to break with him.

Just as I left my apartment building and was about to unlock my car,someone tapped me from behind.

I closed my eyes. Why does this have to be so hard?  Why I'm i also in this situation? I can't lie to him again.

I lied to him about what Anderson came to tell me that day at my apartment. I lied to him about not going to the party. I just can't take it anymore.

Look I'm sorry.I need to meet someone and it's urgent. So i'll see you later. Okay? ",I said.

Ahhh.... That's all I heard. I got in my car and drove away. I know it was mean. But atleast I didn't lie to him.I feel bad for him.I really do.

Ethan was there for me when I needed him the most. He was my only friend. The only person I hanged out with. He was more than a friend, He was like a brother to me.I could just break down in front of him and he would just hug me and say,"It's all going to be okay.I'm here for you." 

I stopped driving. I pulled up on the side. Luckily there was a coffeehouse nearby. I went in not to get myself a caramel machiato
but  to use the washroom. There wasn't anyone in there. That was perfect. I looked at my self in the mirror. What have I become?  Why I'm i doing this? Why I'm i going after a guy like Andy? 

I went in a stall and put the toilet seat down.I sat there and cried it out.

I'm I making the right choice. Is this really what I want?  Or is it just a fantasy. I just love the thought of being with him.It would change everything. My whole life will be different. But will I ever feel the same way I felt about him that night. Does he feel the same way?

Is it just a desire to be around someone other than Ethan or is it pure love?

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(A/N
That breakdown at the end. 😔😓
Do you'll guys want to see her with Andy or not let me know in the comments.

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Love you'll

Peace out)