I'll Be There For You [Destiel]

Why?

I closed my eyes, trying my best not to blurt out that I've loved him for a while now. I bit my bottom lip and Dean could tell clearly that I was hiding something.

"What is it?" He asked, placing his fingers on my chin, making me look up into his eyes.

"It's nothing, don't worry." I said, blinking twice. Only Madisyn & Gabe knew that's what I do when I'm lying. That and my hands get incredible sweaty..

"Cas, I can tell by your tone of voice that something's wrong. Now, tell me what it is." He said with concern. I couldn't tell him that I loved him, I couldn't bring myself to. But that's not all that was bugging me, but I didn't want to tell him that either.

"Dean, I don't want this affection you're showing to be a one time thing. I don't want you to just drop me like a fly. You have a tendency to do that to women, I don't want to be a one time person." I said, backing away from him and his grip. I mentally slapped myself, I didn't want to say that.

"You know I care about you, more than I did five days ago, but.." I put my hand to his mouth and shook my head, showing him I didn't want to hear anymore.

"Why..? Why can't you be the Dean you were a few minutes ago in public? You think it'll ruin your reputation? Your social status? What is it?" I snapped, trying to hold back a waterfall. He took a deep breath.

"People.. Well, people are dicks and you know what, I don't want to be in the bull's eye zone for the mocking because I had enough of that before I went to college, that's the only reason I went back to school. Okay?" Dean hissed, the annoyance and anger protruding off his body. I looked down and turned away, a single tear falling from my eye.

"Why do you do this to me..?" I whispered. He placed his hand onto my shoulder but I brushed it off. Dean could tell I've had enough and got all his stuff and walked out. As soon as the door latched behind him, I fell to the floor, crying. No, bawling. I looked up, panting, tears still falling.

"Don't worry, Cas, you should be used to being fucked with." I yelled to myself as it echoed off the walls of the vacant house. I whipped my attic door open and stomped up the stairs but fell to my floor, sobbing.

"You're just a one time thing. Nothing more, faggot!" I screamed. I reached under my bed and pulled out a familiar box. Last time I saw this was the day I was released from the hospital when my mother and Gabe died. I opened it and saw the blades, staring me in the face. I reached down but something made me stop. I could've sworn I heard Gabe.

"Cas, please, it's not worth it. Personal pain won't help mental.." I looked all around my room but it was empty. I wiped my eyes, trying to dry them. I let out a long and shaky breath, knowing I had to finish my work. I stood up just to fall again. The demons in my mind were pulling me to Hell.

----------

I drove down the street, pissed at myself for hurting him. Last time something like this happened, he...

"Oh shit!" I yelled as I slammed down on the brakes & pulled a u-turn. I sped back to his house and didn't bother knocking, just barged right in and went for the door with the stairs, knowing that his room was there. I couldn't hear anything. My eyes went wide as I ran up the stairs.

"Cas?!" I looked around but saw him in a ball on the floor. "Cas!" I yelled, running over to him. He pulled himself into a tighter ball.

"Go away, I don't want to ruin your perfect social life!" He screamed, words shooting at me like arrows.

"I'm sorry. Look, Castiel. I'm truly sorry." He stopped yelling for me to go away.

"Not sorry enough to not do it." He snapped but went quiet again.

"I know, I was being self-centered when I said I didn't want to be the bull's eye. I know that you're made fun of, all the time. But they've never said it to your face as far as I know. Listen, I want to make you happy, I want you to feel like your life is okay." I said a single tear rolling down my cheek. He looked up at me.

"I know you're only saying this because you feel bad for me. Admit it, Dean." He said, quietly but demanding.

"Yes, I do feel bad for you but I'm not lying. I'm done caring." I said, taking a deep breath. Here it goes. "Castiel.. Would you like to go out on an official date with me?" I said, not holding back. Cas looked up at me weird. I heard him sigh.

"Yes, I'd love to but could we go somewhere with more publicity than a filthy bar?" He asked, slightly smiling. I nodded.

"Of course." Cas sat up and looked me in the eyes as I wiped his tears away. I leaned in slowly and planted a kiss to his forehead. "Thank you for showing me how to not care.." I whispered. He nodded in welcome and rested his head on my shoulder as I put my arms around him.

(Heh, sorry for the feels...I love you all. Thank you to those who have been reading from the start, I appreciate it. cx <3 )