stronger together//frerard

chapter two

morning, Frank wakes up and Gerard is in bed, sitting up against the headboard. He has a hand over Frank's head and is looking down at Frank, but when Frank tries to drape one arm around Gerard's hips, Gerard stops him. "No," he says, grabbing Frank's wrist and putting it firmly aside before he gets up and leaves.

Frank sighs. He had a difficult night, with consecutive nightmares about leaving Gerard or even worse, Gerard leaving him, and always waking up with a tight, anxious feeling in his chest. He looked beside him every time to check that Gerard was still there, and he always was, but his back remained turned to Frank at all times. Frank wonders if Gerard got any sleep at all. He usually doesn't when he's upset.

The alarm clock goes off at last and Frank gets up, wiping everything off of his mind. He has to go to work, so he gets dressed and walks to the kitchenette to get some breakfast. Gerard is there, sitting at the small table in the corner of the room, by the glass doors to the balcony. The sun is shining outside, warm and inviting.

Frank prepares his breakfast, starting with two pieces of toast and getting an empty mug from the cabinet, and sits at the table to eat. It's like any other morning, except they don't speak about their plans for the day. They don't say a single word. Today the ambiance is quiet, tense and very awkward, and soon Frank gives up on his toast. He can't stand the fact that Gerard avoids even just looking at him, eating with his eyes fixed on the table. Gerard even flinches when Frank reaches for the coffee pot that's partly in front of Gerard, as though afraid that Frank will touch him. Frank's lips twist bitterly at that action, and he exits the room, bringing his coffee mug out on the balcony, gazing at the city outside and wishing he could go back in time and fix things with Gerard. He hates the way things are right now.

wants to talk to Gerard, calmly, without fighting, but apparently it's impossible. He never thought that they would get to this point, but maybe every couple goes through difficult situations at times. He can accept that and promises himself that he's going to make it right soon, hopefully during the summer.

He has to leave the apartment a few minutes later, although he feels his stomach in knots. He stands behind Gerard and touches his shoulder, leaning in to kiss the top of his head and saying, "Have a good day."

Gerard doesn't react or acknowledge Frank, so he leaves. Frank pauses by the front door and looks at Gerard again. This time he sees Gerard with his face buried in his hands and his shoulders hunched forward in fear. The sight hurts and worries Frank, but he leaves with the hope that everything will be alright when he comes back home.

On his way to work, Frank can't help but think about how they've either been fighting or not talking since September. It was when they moved in to this apartment, as Gerard got a job at a different high school. Thankfully, it's closer to the school Frank goes to, but they had to leave behind the house Gerard had lived in for six years and it was hard to move into a much smaller apartment. Gerard's job pays nicely, but Frank only has a part-time job and he has yet to finish college and, although that is still completely financed by his parents, this job doesn't mean he has enough money to pay half of the mortgage for a house. Since he never wanted Gerard to pay more than him, they agreed on a smaller place instead.

It's a nice apartment nonetheless, on the fifth floor, with a spacious living room and an organized kitchenette, then two bedrooms and a bathroom. It's enough for the both of them, even though the sounds from the neighbors kind of reverberate through the walls, but they got used to that.

The first night, it had been strange to sleep on the same mattress but with different surroundings and different smells, and with a lot more noises. Frank hadn't slept very well. He'd supposed he would get used to it, though, as it was normal to need an adjustment period in a new place. Frank had thought there might be something more than that giving him a knot of insecurity in his stomach, though. He had wondered if it was just the idea of living with Gerard fulltime, or if he was nervous about getting to know the new neighbors, but he could never shake the feeling of there being something else going on.

He had assumed that these new living conditions were making Gerard either confused or uncomfortable. They had fought over it many times, but they never got anywhere because Gerard kept refusing to open up; he still does. Maybe that's the problem; maybe they're not ready to share a house just yet. Maybe they need to work a bit more on their communication to make this relationship work.

Frank really thinks that Gerard has to talk to him. If there's something wrong with them, or with Gerard or with Frank, he needs to tell Frank. Frank is sure that there's something bothering Gerard, because he has been acting really strangely. Once, Frank trusted Gerard to tell him if something happened, but seven months later, Gerard still hasn't told him anything. Frank is done nagging Gerard about it, though. Waiting Gerard out might be the only option left.

The atmosphere in the apartment remains quiet and heavy for the next few days. Whenever Frank tries to talk, Gerard argues with him about the age difference and Frank's band and Frank leaving. They don't apologize to each other until Wednesday and, even after this honest apology and then cuddling on the couch until they fall asleep in each other's embraces, Thursday and Friday still don't feel normal. Gerard might not be shutting Frank out and Frank might have forgiven him for being so difficult, but it's still not them yet, not completely.

bed, each on their own side, and Gerard won't turn to Frank even when Frank asks him to. It used to be easier for them to open up to each other in the dark room, but not anymore. Gerard doesn't let Frank touch him in any way and that's the hardest thing to take.

Frank misses Gerard, wants to feel him, embrace him and kiss his mouth softly, but Gerard won't let him do it. It's like all of a sudden, Gerard is a cold person and doesn't let Frank in. This means that there has to be a problem with Gerard, and Frank needs to figure out what it is before they leave each other for good. Gerard already asked Frank to leave, but Frank loves Gerard and wants to stay. Yet this can only work if Gerard wants it too.