stronger together//frerard

chapter four

July.

During the first few days, Gerard is really distant, closed up on himself like in a shell. On Saturday morning, he gets dressed and leaves the kitchen with only a slice of bread. Since he's dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, Frank thinks he might be going out for a walk to the park nearby, which is only twenty minutes away from their building, and waits for him to come back to eat his own breakfast. However, when Gerard comes back almost an hour later, he ignores Frank, who is sitting at the table picking at his nails, and goes into the bathroom. Frank sees only the back of his body and hears the door closing. Gerard is behaving strangely again, and Frank shakes his head frustratedly in response and abruptly loses his appetite.

After an entire afternoon in the office, with the door always closed, Gerard comes out almost at dusk in Frank's Thrice t-shirt again and makes small talk about that night. Frank's band has a show and, once he's on stage, Frank drowns every single worry in playing music with his friends. A few songs in, he notices that Gerard is not at the side of the stage anymore and Frank doesn't see him afterwards, and their car isn't where they parked it outside the club, so Frank stays with his friends and gets a ride home with them. They don't stay for more than a couple of hours, and Andy, the band's drummer, and his twin brother, Josh drive Frank home.

Once he gets inside the apartment, shaking his head at the thoughts of Gerard bailing out on him so cowardly, he takes a quick shower and goes to bed. Gerard is already there, lying on his side with his back turned to Frank's side of the bed, and his breathing suggests that he's already sleeping. Frank lies down on his back next to Gerard and closes his eyes, feeling really upset about tonight. A show night had never been so dissatisfying to him.

him trust me. Help him understand that I'm not going anywhere without him," Frank prays selflessly into the empty air, trying to be as quiet as possible. He truly just wants Gerard to open up to him because this situation is upsetting. He gets an answer, but not from God.

Gerard turns around slowly and wraps an arm around Frank's middle, burying his face into the crook of Frank's neck. At first, Frank finds this weird, but he relaxes into it when Gerard breathes out onto his skin, saying, "Amen."

Sunday isn't much better. They go to Mass early in the morning, sitting on the pew next to each other, but Frank sneaks several looks towards Gerard and he's always looking ahead at the service taking place. He wears an uptight expression on his face the whole time. Something has to be bothering him. This is even clearer when, at the end of the service, Gerard asks Frank, "I wanna stay here for a moment. Alone. If that's okay."

Frank nods, respecting Gerard's privacy and his conversations to God, but watches from two pews behind. They're in such a strange situation right now, Gerard keeping to himself but showing signs that he wants to talk to Frank about whatever is going on with him at the moment. Frank says a prayer of his own, asks his grandmother what he's supposed to do, thinking back to last night and the tight embrace they shared in bed with no questions asked. He's so torn in between forcing Gerard to spill it out and waiting for him to take the first step, but he honestly doesn't know what exactly is the right thing.

Today is Gerard's mother's birthday and they spend the day with the Ways. The meal progresses nicely and in the afternoon, with Mikey, Alicia and their son, Anton in the house, Frank and Gerard spend the whole time playing with their nephew. It's almost too normal for them, but Frank doesn't want to ruin the day for Mrs. Way, the same way Gerard doesn't seem to want his family to know that things haven't been exactly easy for them. Still, Frank wonders if he has told Mikey about it, since they've been best friends since they were kids.

Back at home, they fall asleep early because of the tiring six hours drive to and from the Ways' house. The next day, Gerard goes out early in the morning in a t-shirt and sweatpants, not even acknowledging Frank's presence until lunch is ready. And in the afternoon, they spend time together making art or music or watching movies, but they're mostly quiet. Frank tries a different approach; he hugs Gerard from behind and kisses the back of his neck, but it only results in Gerard telling him, "Not right now, Frank."