Guilt (A Zero Spin-Off)

Fifteen - Ella

When Kyle knocked on my bedroom door early on the morning we were supposed to leave it was probably stupid that I had hoped he was waking me up for more than just to tell me we were leaving in half an hour. He'd been grinning when he walked into my room, shutting the door behind him and, come on, what else was I supposed to think. But all he did was tell me we were getting ready to leave and then walk back out. And I was a lot more disappointed by that than I should have been. It was just sex. But it was really good sex - at least, I thought it was. But he hadn't said anything, or made any move in the last couple days. It was stupid anyway, I knew that, to be thinking about him in that way at all when such huge things were happening. 

When I got down stairs, I understood why he'd been smiling and acting excited when he woke me up. We had a truck. A mother-freaking mode of transportation that was not the feet attached to our legs. I was in heaven. I turned from the truck to Kyle, who stood a few feet away, tossing the keys up and catching them. His lips still curved into a smile, he winked. He surprised me with a truck. There was a chance I was in love. Normally my love wouldn't be so easily bought - or for sale at all - but after the way my muscles rebelled from the first few days of walking, my love could totally be bought for a vehicle. It helped that he was really darn cute.

"Why don't we have a truck?" Squirrel complained, looking longingly at the old pick-up sitting in the drive.

"We have a day long walk," Atlas pointed out rolling his eyes. "We'll make it without a truck."

"Yeah but it would be quicker," she pointed out, pouting.

Walking away from her Atlas pulled me into a hug as though we were old friends parting ways, not near perfect strangers.

"Stay safe, Mouse."

Atlas, who was apparently the unofficial name-granter of their little group, had taken to calling me that in the few days we'd known each other. It didn't seem like there was any point in arguing with the kid.

"Yeah, you too."

They all said their goodbyes to everyone and Kyle reminded them of the directions one last time before they hit the road. All of our stuff was tossed into the bed of the truck and then they all piled in behind it. I moved to climb into the bed, but Kyle stopped me. Calling my name, he nodded toward the cab. "You're riding shotgun."

Switching directions, I walked around to the passenger side and climbed into the cab of the truck. It rocked back and forth as they all shifted, getting comfortable in the back and Kyle climbed in on the drivers side. The truck was slow to start, the engine screeching a couple times and Kyle flashed a nervous smile while I'm sure all of sent silent prayers that the truck wasn't giving out before we could even pull away from the inn. Another try and the engine turned over.

A couple hours on the road and it was official, I was the only one of us scared. At least visibly. Joel and Miles sat with Hunter and Zero in the bed of the truck, all of them laughing and carrying on conversation. Well, three of them doing just that. Zero was quiet, pensive maybe but I didn't think she was scared. I didn't think she was capable of experiencing fear. It was like we were driving around for the hell of it and not like we were passing zombies and cars filled with dead people. But we were. And we were going slow enough at times that one of them had to turn and kill a zombie that was reaching over to take bite out of one of them. It didn't phase a single one of them, I don't think they even paused the conversation to kill the occasional zombie.

I shouldn't have felt like less for being scared. That was the normal reaction to dead people coming back to life and eat living people. But I did. I wanted to be laughing and joking. Hell, I would have even taken being excited to kill zombies in the twisted way Zero was. Instead I was staring out the window at everything we cruised by in slow pace. Kyle's attempts at conversation kept falling flat which was less about his conversational skills - those were just fine - and more about my inability to focus on anything but the road in front of us. I didn't want any surprises. I didn't know if Kyle was driving slowly because the truck simply couldn't go faster or if it was for some other reason, but we didn't get much over twenty. I was tense. My back was straight as a board and my jaw was tight as we passed through destruction. Destruction that I could have prevented. Dead bodies that could have been avoided if I had been... what? Willing to stand up my father? Smarter? Not so damned naive.