Guilt (A Zero Spin-Off)

Seventeen - Ella

I was vaguely aware of my name being said, but too asleep to care. Not wanting to get up, I groaned and wiggled further into my pillow when my name was called again. Wait. Not my pillow, I realized about the same time I became aware of fingers rubbing my head. Kyle's lap. The realization should have had me popping up embarrassed, but I wasn't. I kept my eyes closed while his fingers ran through my hair, massaging my scalp.

"Come on, baby," his quiet voice melted over me like butter. Baby? Did he just call me that or was I more asleep than I thought. "I know you're awake."

Rolling on to my back, I pried my eyes open and looked up at Kyle. My lips curved into a sleepy smile that matched his and though his hand stopped moving, he didn't remove his fingers from my hair. I blinked as it struck me that the sun was rising.

"You let me sleep all night?" Had he slept at all? I eyed him. Kyle looked okay. Not overly tired like he'd stayed up all night. He must have slept leaning against the tree which... could not have been comfortable. "Well, thank you," I said when he nodded. Hoping he had some inkling of how grateful I was, but not able to form the words for some reason. We stayed like that for a moment, not speaking. Unsaid words hanging between us. He took a breath and I thought maybe he was going to say something, but instead he shifted and pulled his hand from my hair. That was that. Back to reality. Terrible, awful reality.

I sat up and then took his proffered hand and stood up. Everyone was mostly awake, packing up camp or eating breakfast. I helped where I could, but the men were efficient in their work - like they had done it a thousand times before. They probably had.

"We cut a lot of time down with the truck," Miles said, grinning as we began our walk. "We should get you to your lab tonight. And then you're running the show."

"We should?" I asked quickly, unable to believe.

When Miles grinned in answer, I could not have put into words the amount of relief that washed over me. In two days, three if we were slow we'd be back at the truck. The truck that I was pretty sure could take us at least back to the church. However far it got us, I didn't care. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. We were almost there. We were almost done. It wouldn't be long before life went back to normal. Or at least my version of normal which didn't include traipsing through zombie-ridden, psychopath-filled lands... or the three men who'd been keeping me alive. I tried to ignore the disappointment that settled in my gut at the realization that in a couple of days I'd likely not see them again. They'd - even Joel - grown on me. So had Hunter and Zero, honestly. But the need to be back in my safe zone ranked higher than my need to spend time with these people. At least I was pretty sure it did.

"As long as we don't run into trouble," Joel added.

I didn't think that zombies were the type of trouble that had him concerned. To be honest, they weren't my biggest fear anymore either. Yesterday I thought they were the worst thing left in the world. I knew better now.

"Joel," Kyle warned.

"Just being realistic." Joel lifted one shoulder carelessly and then glanced back at me. "I'm not trying to scare you, Ella."

"I know." I really didn't think he was. Joel was just being honest and it wasn't like he was saying things I didn't already know. I couldn't get what I'd seen yesterday out of my mind... or the worry that the zombies hanging on those crosses could be us instead. I wasn't operating under the illusion that it was going to be an easy day, though I hoped we'd avoid all trouble. I looked to Kyle who was watching me warily. "It's okay," I assured him. "I'm not going to lose it or anything."

His eyes stayed on mine as he tried to decide how honest I was being and finally he nodded and turned back to the path ahead of him.

Miles shoulder bumped into mine. "Well, you sure have him wrapped around your finger," he commented, a crooked smile on his lips and amusement in his eyes. Looking away, I shook my head and let my hair curtain my face, hiding a smile. Other than a chortle, Miles let it go. I didn't think I had him wrapped around my finger. But the way he let me sleep on him last night, protecting me, running his fingers through my hair or letting them slip under the hem of my shirt providing contact and reassurance that I didn't know I needed filled my mind and made it hard to deny that he cared.