Guilt (A Zero Spin-Off)

Seven - Ella

I was going to smack him if he didn't stop looking at me like that.

Grinning and happy and not caring at all that I was currently plotting his murder. Not that I could go through with it... if I'd learned one thing from trying to kill a zombie, it was that I didn't like dead things. Nope. Nope. Nope. But right then, it was fun to think about. 

Smothering him while he slept. Stabbing him in his stupid face. Oh, I could go on. 

Because Kyle Russell was looking at me like he was proud of me.

Proud. Of. Me.

Excuse me while I barf. 

On purpose or not, after what he'd done he had no right to be proud of me. Or to even look my direction. No right!

Last night, his mouth may have said he was sorry for nearly getting me killed, but the look in his eyes held no apology. I didn't care if he was proud of me. I wanted him to realize that he'd been totally wrong. Dragging me out into the woods, pretending to give me his only weapon, trying to get himself eaten by a zombie so that I would use said weapon. Did he not realize how insane that was?

Well, no, I didn't think he did. That's what was so frustrating about it.

There were plenty of things he could have done. Oh, he could have given me some pointers on how to hold a knife. Or had me practice on a tree or, oh, I don't know, the wind. There are about a thousand acceptable ways he could have tried to teach me to defend myself. But no. Kyle Russell didn't pick from that list. He decided the best way for someone with zero experience to learn how to kill a zombie is to just make them do it.

The worst part is, I didn't think he even realized how ridiculous that mindset is. He was crazy person that doesn't realize how bonkers he is. 

Maybe he'd been shot at one too many times, or maybe he inhaled too much carbon monoxide while he worked as a mechanic, or maybe it was a genetic thing. I didn't know for sure the cause, but I was fairly certain that Kyle Russell wasn't all there.

Maybe that was it. That was their secret to why this team was the best. They were all flippin' insane.

So. Yeah.

I was pissed. I pissed that he tricked me into killing a zombie and almost got my killed in the process. And I hated with every fiber of my being that he was proud that I had killed a zombie. He had no right. I didn't do anything spectacular. I managed, on a fluke, to kill the thing because I thought I was going to die. I sincerely doubted I could do a repeat. And his little theory that killing one would make them less scary... wrong. I'd never been so scared in my life. Staying with these people at the church for the rest of my meager existence was starting to sound better and better. I was ready to say the hell with finding a vaccine because I did not want be in that position ever again.

"Are you hoping he'll turn to stone?" Colby asked pulling my attention to where she sat next to me at breakfast. I hadn't realized until she pointed it out that I'd been glaring across the table at Kyle.

"A little, yeah," I admitted with a shrug. There was no point in lying. The icy tension that had settled between us hadn't gone unnoticed at dinner the night before.

"You still going with them?"

Reasonable question. I kept my mouth shut about what happened; I hadn't known any of these people well enough to feel comfortable complaining about something that happened between myself and someone they obviously all loved, but dinner last night ended in Kyle's not-so-sorry apology and me storming off. There had been plenty of witnesses. I hadn't spoken to him since then and that was working for me. It had been Miles who let me know they'd decided that instead of leaving at the crack of dawn in the morning, we'd stay and eat a real breakfast. I think they did it for my benefit more than anything else. They were trying to be nice and I knew from my talk with Kyle yesterday, before the zombie incident, that they had wanted to start over, try to put our differences aside and work together. It was a sort of olive branch to stay for a nice breakfast and I wasn't going to scoff at the gesture. I wanted breakfast. But I also positioned myself firmly at the opposite end of the table. I was still pissed and it was still early - I was not a morning person - so it was best, I decided to keep my distance for a while longer.