This Is Forever

Chapter 17

Christian's routine is pretty much get up, make me food even when I'm not hungry, studio, film, eat, sleep, repeat.

I can't even get him alone anymore without him being too busy. I miss my husband.

"I'm gonna go shopping." I tell Chris. He's editing a video.

"Did you eat?" He asks quickly. I nod.

He stares at me sadly, "Do you have to?"

"Christian you don't pay attention to me anyway."

"Woah woah woah, what?" He slides his laptop off of his lap.

"You've been working so much, Christian! I can't even get you to myself anymore!"

"What do you mean by that?"

I roll my eyes and walk out of the room. We're married, we should spend more time together without work. And more quality time.

"Nicole!"

"I'm leaving."

He grabs my waist and pulls me to him, "You never said anything about this. If you said it I'd be happy to oblige."

I shake my head, "I miss you, Christian. You're so caught up in everything else I feel like you're not even home. And you're not most of the time."

"Nicole I-"

"Chris, what if we have kids?"

He scrunches his eyebrows together, "What?"

"You wouldn't be here. And I mean, it's not completely impossible at this point. I mean, I don't know."

"Nikki, of course I would be here. What makes you think that I wouldn't be there for my family?"

"Because you're barley here for me now, unlike you used to be."

"What are you even saying?!"

"Your face is always in the damn computer or you're in the studio and I can't stand it! I miss you! I miss my best friend! I miss my husband! I've had three anxiety attack since I got sick, Chris!"

His expression changes, "When did that happen?"

"Exactly," I mutter and pull away from him. I grab my car keys and leave.

I know for a fact I'm not pregnant, I was just throwing that out there to scare him. He's not there anymore and it's agonizing.

I barley made it through those anxiety attacks without him.

I spent about 3 hours at the mall just walking around trying to clear my mind.

I suppose I should go home and work this out with him. I should've never left angry, or without saying I love him.

My phone buzzes so I pull it out of my pocket.

My love 💍💘:
Where are you? I'm getting worried now, Nicole

I go to answer, but when I look down I bump in to someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry...." I start, but my voice trails off. My stomach feels like it fell into millions of pieces and my heart speeds up.

"It's... Okay I didn't see where I was- I should've- hi... Nikki.." Sam scratches the back of his neck.

I'm still insanely angry. He tried to kill me and almost took everything away from me.

"Look, this isn't the time or place, but I'm extremely sorry. I know what I did was horrible and I'm a horrible person and I hate myself for it. I was heartbroken and did stupid things, but I'm over it now. I really hope you can forgive me."

I stare at him in shock, "Forgive you? I've done that. But I can't say I'm not angry, and that doesn't mean it's forgotten," I say quietly but sternly, "Chris is everything to me and you almost took. That. From. Me."

"I know but-"

"No, Sam! I don't think you understand. You almost killed the love of my life. He could've died because of your selfishness and you just expect me to forgive and forget?"

My voice cracks thinking about it. He stays silent, but looks at me with sad eyes.

"I still get flashbacks and it haunts my dreams. I wake up in the middle of the night terrified because the image of him on the floor unconscious and surrounded by blood is burned into my memory. He still forgets simple things because of the impact."

I shake my head and he keeps his eyes on mine.

"And I know that an 'I'm sorry' won't fix it," he says, "But please know, that I regret everything, breaking into your house, almost killing you and him, bringing Ashton back... I should've never done it. Just know that I feel horrible."

He pushes past me and I stand there stunned. Forgiven. Never forgotten.

I drive home and walk inside. Chris runs to me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you and don't you ever think for a minute that I don't... I should've never let you leave angry. I should've said I love you, something could've happened and I would've felt like a complete jerk."

I hesitantly hug him back, but then full on squeeze him.

"I love you too. And I probably over reacted, but I really miss you."

He stares at me, "And no, I'm not pregnant." He sighs with relief. I laugh and lay my head on his chest.

"Where did you go?" He asks.

"The mall, I didn't buy anything..." I look down, "But I ran into Sam."

His muscles tense and he looks at me, "What happened?"

"He wants us to forgive him. I said done, but not forgotten and I'm definitely still angry. He almost took you from me."

My eyes burn at the though and Chris pulls me to him again, "It's okay, here," he takes my hand and puts it over his heart, "Feel that?" I nod.

"That means I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."