This Is Forever

Chapter 26

I sit on the floor of the waiting room completely numb to everything. I feel the tears rolling down my face; I don't stop them. My world is falling apart. What about everything? Our plans? We got married, but I know how badly he wants kids...

I absentmindedly pull at the carpet, staring into nothing. I don't feel anything. I quite possibly could be losing the love of my life. My body continues to shake, but it feels like a normal function at this point...

I pull out my phone and call Crawford. It's almost 3 am but I'm sure he's awake. The phone rings twice, then he picks up, "What are you doing up?"

"I'm at the hospital." I say, surprising myself by the way my voice sounds, it's very low and raspy from screaming my head off.

"What? Are you okay?"

"Chris isn't."

"I'm coming."

I hang up, not wanting to say anything else, to anyone, ever. I try to think why this happened. I know the whole thing with Sam when Chris broke his head open was a huge part in this, but it was so long ago...

Sam is gonna hear from me again...

I feel a pair of strong and familiar hands touch my shoulders and slowly look up. Slight relief washes over me when I see Crawford and I wrap my arms around him. He sits on the floor with me, not saying anything, just holding me.

About an hour later, a doctor walks out and I jump up so fast that I knock Crawford over.

"Mrs. Collins?"

I nod. He motions for me to follow him and I look at Crawford. He gives me a sad smirk, "I'll wait here.."

I give him a sad smile and follow the doctor. I sit down across from him and he hands me a box of tissues, most likely because of my face is a bit swollen and red from continuously rubbing the tears off my face; and I'll need them.

I feel more tears coming on before he starts talking and dab under my eyes. He sighs, "He previously... Had a concussion, correct?"

I nod, "Yes,"

"Was he on any medication for that after it all?"

I nod again, "Yes, sir."

He nods and locks his fingers together and places his hands on the desk.

"Do you recall the last time he took them?"

I think for a minute, then slowly shake my head, "No, sir. We just got back from Hawaii two days ago," he nods halfway through what I'm saying, "and he was fine from what I know, and earlier he woke me up because he was yelling... In pain."

I cover my face again trying to muffle my cries. I can't lose him, why do we keep ending up here?

He nods, "Well, I wish I could tell you otherwise, but because he hasn't taken his medication, the symptoms are now out of control, the only way to make them stop is to give him something stronger," I stare at him, tell me otherwise?

"And we can do that here, but unfortunately the medication is not approved by the FDA and he can suffer side affects."

"Like what?"

"Hearing loss, infertility, it could eat his muscle, which he may be able to build back, or it could kill him. Would you like to try it anyway?"

I stare at him with wide eyes, "What's the side affect that's most likely to happen?"

He thinks for a minute, "Infertility."

"What are the chances of that?"

"Three in fifteen."

I look down. So not only could this kill him, if he survives, we may not be able to have kids...

I look up at the doctor, "And the chances of losing him?"

"Extremely low possibility."

I take a deep breath and sigh. I put my face in my hands and try to keep my crying quiet.

I don't know... I'm risking a lot for him because I need him... Is that selfish?

The doctor stands up, "I'll let you think for a minute."

He heads to the door and I grab his arm as he passes me, taking a deep breath, I tell him, "Do it."