Loneliness is the sadness in my heart that never goes away. It's a knife left from my memory, lodged somewhere in my heart but I can't seem to locate. It is a constant reminder that you are alone, even when I try to tell myself I'm not because what I see doesn't match with how I feel. It's drowning in a crowd of faces; when I just want to leave but I have to stay.
Loneliness was third wheeling a group of friends who all had dates but I was alone. It was watching them hug on each other and laugh while gazing into each other's eyes. Loneliness was staying home on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights because the silence of my room seemed better than multiple conversations that had no want for me to join them. It was lying to my friends about why I really didn't want to go out. Being around no one was better than looking around at a group of people and realizing I had no-one.
Loneliness was envisioning a heart warming scene and getting so over joyed and reminding yourself nobody wanted to listen to it. It's the idea that it would be worse to interrupt someone's day with my thoughts than to let them go in thinking I don't exist.
Loneliness was watching my best friend slowly replace me with his new girlfriend. My ears barren from the lack of sounds. I stopped hearing his life and stories because he'd never retell what he'd already told her. It was nights of talking to myself because he didn't have time to listen to me. It was lying to him that it was 'fine' when it took days for him to get back to me.
Loneliness was drinking the whole bottle of wine instead of half when the bottle was made to serve two. It was starring down the overly attached couple in the hallway because it was easier to hate them than to admit I was slightly jealous.
Loneliness was holding myself at four in the morning because no one else had and ever would. It was being there for myself. It was kissing my bruises and seeing myself back up better than any mother or Doctor could because I knew me better than they would.
Loneliness was learning to depend on me and only me. Loneliness was building a wall that kept me safe and broke me down. I made sure I wouldn't hurt by locking everyone out, but I hurt myself but not giving anyone the chance of being let in.
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Poems
Poetry"I know that sometimes for people, I feel like too much; But let me kiss away the phantom pain that the scars remind you of, Let me kiss the burns on your hands, From when you touched the burning fire within my soul. Let me show you that yes, I am...
