Poems

He's Haunting Me

When I close my eyes he's all I see.
Even when I blink.
Brown hair, brown eyes, pointed nose starring back at me.
Sometimes he's smiling that smile I strive to get out of him;
Other times he's emotionless.

And I love him, that's true.
But I'm not supposed too.

And so I've been losing sleep trying to lose his memory,
Even though sometimes if I turn my head just slightly,
I can make it seem as if he's an arms length away from me.
As if I could reach out and touch him.
As if I could grab that blue hat off his head and teasingly place it on mine.

But I'm not supposed to.
And he doesn't want me to.
So I force myself into a corner with the silent dust bunnies.
I become silent too.
I choke back words.
I force them back to a time where if I'd said them, they would've meant something.
I swallow the words into the dark of the past.
I push myself into the light.

In the presence of the sun,
We create an outline of darkness behind us.
And we become a shadow.
This is a shadow of the love that used to be:
A dark wisp that flickers in the corner of my eye,
An image that's been replayed through my head so many times it's become distorted.
His pearly white teeth have become fangs, his smile has melted into a scowl, and his dark eyes become endless black holes.

He's become a ghost of a man I used to love.
My eyes see right through him like he's came back with the clarity of all his lies.
My hands cannot grasp the idea of him anymore.
He only appears to be the man I loved.
I was told we are so much more than what we seem.
But he is not,
When I look at him,
I do not see (the man I love any) more.

I leave the front door unlocked and
The windows open, every night,
In hopes that he'd leave.
He never does.
And he stays when I scream I no longer believe.
Because people don't communicate to the unseen.
He will always be
A shadow of a love,
An outline of a man,
A dark wisp that flickers,
A pair of beautiful
Brown eyes
And brown hair,
That'll haunt me,
In the dark of my own closed eyes.