If the Shoe Fits | ongoing

01 | converse

// I've got to find my way, and I will survive some way //

*      *      *      *      *

0 1

c o n v e r s e

MY OLDER BROTHER liked to believe I was a control freak. I, on the other hand, viewed myself as a person who enjoyed any uniformity they could get in a world full of turmoils and uncertainty.

Living a life where your best friend couldn't remember who you were was never easy. It never became easy. I was always on my feet around him, desperately holding on to that little hope that even for 5 minutes, he'd know who I was.

But it never happened. Not once.

And so, for the past 3 years, I held on to other things. I held on to the fact that I could still see him every week. I held on to the fact that I still had a living and breathing grandfather. And I definitely held on to the fact that there were other things in the world that I could control.

People blame my grandfather's disease for my inability to react with change well; I blame the unpredictability of life.

-          -          -

My weekly trips to visit my grandfather for the last few years had become a recurring event in my life and today was no different.

As soon as the last bell rung, I was out of my seat and running the distance towards the exit doors that seemed to increase each week. My brother knew better than to follow me or ask why I was in such a hurry. Hell, even the school knew to steer clear of my path on Friday afternoons.

The drive to the nursing home wasn't too long, and I absentmindedly hummed along with the Disney songs that played from the playlist that I made for these trips. School hadn't been that bad, but I could already picture the piles of homework that would take me hours to finish.

Clearing my thoughts of anything that wasn't related to my grandfather, I pulled into the nearest parking spot and all but sprinted into the building that had it's name written in scripted letters.

Cardenia Nursing Home

The faint smell of rose perfume enveloped me as I stepped into the lobby. Vintage styled wallpaper covered the place on all sides, and my lips slightly tilted upward at the familiarity of the room. Almost immediately, the dark-haired woman at the reception lifted her head up only for me to see the wide smile on her face.

"Brielle, welcome! Long time no see, am I right?" Her sweet, honey coated voice was the only thing I heard as she ran over to give me a hug, to which I immediately returned.

"Different week, same joke Stella? C'mon, you gotta give something new to work with here." I replied, half smiling at the middle-aged woman in front of me.

Stella Cardenia, the owner of Cardenia Nursing Home, and I had a running joke for as long I could remember, and she'd always pretend that it'd been years since I visited her or grandfather. Childish behavior aside, she was the one of the first people I was able to relate to when grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimers, as her own father had it too before he passed away.

"You haven't changed since the last time I saw you, have you?" I rolled my eyes as Stella continued the joke that was getting too old, too fast.

"Obviously not, since the last time you saw was last Friday". I laughed lightly before a somber look almost instinctively masked my face. "How is he doing?" In response to my question, Stella simply turned and silently beckoned me to follow her to the room that haunted my dreams: 303.

"Maybe you should go see for yourself."

Quietly opening the door, I found my grandfather sitting by the window, unaware of my presence in the room just yet.

Trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill as I imagined all the moments we had spent together, I slowly padded through the plush carpet before kneeling in front of him like I always did when I came to visit.

"Hi Grandpa. I've missed you."

*      *      *      *      *

A / N

quick update but pretty short chapter. i think that's what i'm gonna do: make the chapters a lot small but update faster. i know it's pretty boring right now, but i promise it gets better! (at least, i hope it does). if you guys like it so far, don't forget to vote and comment! i always appreciate any feedback or critiques i can get about my writing, so don't forget to leave them behind!

love always,

xo skylar