~Trigger Warning~
I was sat crossed-legged on my bed staring at the shiny piece of metal in front of me. I had my headphones in blaring Blink as loud as it could possibly go and there were tears threatening to fall. I didn't want to give in to the voices as I was trying to give... this habit... up. Not for myself though, no I thought I was fat and ugly and that I deserved the pain and suffering that the razor brought just like the voices told me I deserved it. But I was trying to give up for my best friend, Jack. He had walked in on me while I was cleaning up my cuts one day and coaxed the reason out of me. He was the only reason, the only person to believe in me. Hell, he was the only person who wanted to talk to me without being forced to for some reason. I turned to look at my phone which was discarded on the floor near my bed where I had thrown it earlier. I glanced back at the metal, which looked so tempting and picked it up. The voices were getting stronger and stronger telling me to 'just do it', that 'it'll make everything better'. I took a deep breath and blinked back my tears, they were not going to fall, and I gave in. I placed the blade to my skin and pressed it down, but as I started to drag it across it didn't feel right. While every ounce of my being was telling me that this was the right thing to be doing and that I needed it, it didn't feel right. I threw the razor across my room, released the breath I didn't even realize I was holding and picked up my phone dialing Jack's number. I was about to hang up when he finally answered the phone muttering something incoherent.
"Jack..." I choked, unable to finish my sentence as a sob finally erupted from my body.
~Jack POV~
I woke up to the shrill of my phone. I was tempted to ignore it, but when I saw that it was Alex I answered it muttering that it was two in the morning.
"Jack..." He sounded like he was crying, or about to start, so I knew something was wrong. And if he was calling at this time of the morning then he must be about to...
"Alex, have you?" I asked while retrieving my jeans and a hoody from the floor.
"N-no, not yet, but Jack they're telling me to. It's so strong." He was full on sobbing now, his words barely understandable.
"I'm coming to yours right now. I'll be there in ten minutes okay? Just don't do anything, please?" I told him trying to think of what I could say. I couldn't work out exactly which state he was in so I didn't know what the right sort of thing to be saying was. I kept the phone pressed against my ear as I grabbed my keys and quietly walked out the back door to my car. Within a couple of minutes I was parked outside his house and was making my way round the back to get to his window. I had learnt a while ago that Alex would ignore the door if he was feeling like this.
"I'm right outside so I'm gonna hang up," I whispered. I didn't receive a reply so I didn't know if he was even listening to me or not. I hung up before climbing to his window. The second I was in his room, the smaller boy had wrapped his arms around me and was crying into my shoulder, his whole body shaking. I wrapped my arms around him and guided him over to the bed so we could sit down. Alex was rambling about something, but I couldn't make out much of what he was saying due to the mini breakdown he was having. I rubbed small circles into his back and told him to just take deep breaths. He still didn't react to my action so I knew he was having a panic attack. I pushed his body gently and held his shoulders at arm's length. His head was bent forward with tears running down his face as he continued to shake. I placed my hand under his chin and forced him to look at me.
"Hey, it's okay. You're okay. Do you want to tell me what's got you so upset?" Alex shook his head slightly. "Dude, it wasn't a question."
"Yes it was. You said 'do you want to tell me about it' and I said no," He answered in a weak voice that was just louder than a whisper.
"Sarcastic bastard," I mumbled under my breath hoping he wouldn't hear, but of course the boy had ears like a bat and picked up on my comment.
"Look who's talking." He smiled as he brought his sleeve-covered hand to wipe away the tear stains.
"Yes, but at least I don't drag people out of their beds at two in the morning," I smiled so that the older boy would know I was joking, but he still looked slightly guilty.
"Sorry about that."
"That's alright. It's what I'm here for," I pulled the younger boy closer to my chest and his grip tightened on my shirt. I loved just sitting here like this with Alex, not that I liked that he was upset.
"Do you want to stay?" He asked me.
"I'd love to." I thought to myself. I opened my mouth to reply with something a little more subtle when Alex started to giggle slightly. I looked at him with a confused expression.
"Dude, you don't have a filter on what comes out of your mouth." Then he got up and threw me a pair of sweat pants as skinny jeans were not comfortable to sleep in before getting under the covers. I quickly changed, leaving my jeans on the floor and climbed into the bed next to him. He was already half asleep when he pulled me closer to his chest, wrapping his arm around my waist.
"G'night Jay."
"G'night Lex." I whispered into the darkness before closing my eyes and drifting to sleep.
