~Trigger Warning~
"Alex, this project is due in two weeks! You haven't done any of it..."
"I have done it! I just have to finish putting the details on," I called back just as angry as my mom was. She had finally found out that I had been lying about going to Zack's to finish my art project and going out with Jack.
"It doesn't matter, you still lied to me!" She yelled at me.
"You wouldn't let me see my friends!"
"You were grounded!"
"Doesn't mean you can stop me seeing my friends!" I yelled back.
"Yes I can. I'm your mother!"
"You can't physically stop me from seeing my friends," I replied feeling the tears start to form in my eyes. I blinked them back, determined not to cry, or at least not in front of my mother, while I walked towards the stairs.
"Don't walk away from me Alexander. I'm not finished talking to you!"
"I'm finished talking to you," I whispered under my breath as I stopped.
"What was that?" She demanded.
"Nothing."
"Then get back here, I wasn't done talking to you." I reluctantly doubled back to the living room and stood in the doorway.
"What?"
"Don't talk to me like that."
"Like what?"
"That tone is like you have better things to be doing. You have no respect for anything or anyone. Are you even listening to me at all?"
"Yes."
"Don't lie to me Alex, you're grounded. Go to your room," she sighed.
"What! What for?" I burst out.
"Because I told you to."
"Not that, why am I grounded?"
"For lying to me.”
"How long for?"
"A week." I sighed in defeat as I made my way up to my room, finally letting the tears fall. I collapsed on my bed and just laid there crying for a good ten minutes.
You're so pathetic. Crying over a little argument with your mommy. You're weak, you don't deserve her breath. You're nothing and those friends of yours? They're not your friends; they pity your existence. They don't care about you. In fact they are all talking about how much they'd rather go out without you. You hold them back; they have so much potential to be something...
"Shut up. Shut up. Shutupshutupshutup!" I called out at nothing in particular as it wasn't real. It was just in my head.
"Breathe Alex, it's just chemicals." I told myself. It had been a while since I had heard the voices and I thought they had gone. I guess not. I pulled out my headphones and plugged them into my iPod in the hopes that it would drown out the sound.
You know what you want Alex. You can't escape it. You need to feel the chill of the metal as it rips your skin open. Maybe this time you'll do something right and you won't wake up this time.
I was curled up in the corner of my room rocking back and forth. My eyes were focused on the drawer that I knew concealed the blades that Jack didn't know about. Surely it wouldn't hurt if I... No what are you saying? You promised Jack that you wouldn't.
Jack's not here. Not that he would care you know. He just pretends to care so that he doesn't get blamed. He wouldn't care if you didn't wake up tomorrow. No one would. That's why you should just take the blade and run it down your wrist like the pathetic faggot you are.
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the lyrics of Adam's song, but it wasn't working. All I could think about was running the cool metal over my arms enough times for me not to be able to feel anything anymore. I threw my iPod on the bed and made my way into my bathroom, stopping to pick up my trusty metal friend. I pulled off my hoodie and sat on the toilet. Taking a deep breath, I held the metal to a spot just below my shoulder so even a T-shirt would cover it.
"Alex what are you doing?" Asked a voice from the open doorway of the bathroom causing me to jump and drop the blade, but not before it cut my arm as it fell. They rushed in and held some scrumpled up toilet paper to the cut. It had only grazed my skin so it wouldn't be too bad and it would barely bleed.
"Jack? What are you doing here?" I asked as I looked at the other person to see my best friend, which made me feel slightly better that someone else hadn't just found out my secret.
"Your mom called me, she was worried about you. The better question is what the hell are you doing?" I broke down into a new set of tears and just cried into his shoulder as he was kneeling on the floor in front of me.
"Hey, hey Lex it's okay. You're okay. What went wrong, I thought you were getting better?" Jack soothed me.
"I thought I was too, but they told me that you didn't care. They told me that I shouldn't be here anymore. They said..." I couldn't form the words as my sobs were taking my breath away. Jack finished cleaning the cut before helping my put my sweater back on and leading me back into my room, picking my blade up on the way.
"Give them to me. All of them," He held his hand out, so I went to my drawer and pulled them out handing them to him.
"Is that all of them?" I nodded. "Lex, you're better than this and I do care. I care so fucking much. I mean who would I flirt with in class when I hate the teacher and want to leave? Who would I force to watch Home Alone with me for the 69th time in a row?"
"68th," I corrected with a small smile at what he was saying.
"You do care!" He gasped playfully.
"No I don't."
"You wouldn't know how many times it was if you didn't," he pointed out. "Anyway my point is, you're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you. So don't you dare leave me alone with Zack and Rian."
"I'm not going anywhere Jay,"
"Good because I brought Home Alone and you're watching it."
"Yessir."
"I still don't understand why you don't have a copy, it should be illegal not to own Home Alone," Jack muttered as he placed it into the slot. He came back over to me and we both got comfortable under the covers of my bed.
"Just talk to me next time, Okay? You know I'll drop everything to come and give you a big hug and tell you everything will be okay in the end," Jack told me as he pulled me closer to him to give me a hug.
"I know and I will, Jay."
"Shush it's starting." I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to the screen.
