~Small Trigger~
"I've got the guts today anything," I kept whispering it to myself as I tapped my pencil on the table. I was sat in art waiting for the day to end. Jack was coming round to my house tonight so that we could have the talk that we had both been avoiding, but we both knew we had to have it. What was making this harder was that I knew I should tell Jack how I felt about him because it wasn't fair on either of us, but it was Jack for crying out loud! He was the person who I grew up with. He was the person I turned to in my darkest moments and he knew anything and everything there was to know about me, as did I about him.
I'm bored af can we go home?? I text, pulling my phone out under the table.
But music..
There's only 10min left. You won't miss anything
Eugh you owe me. Meet at my car
Can't wait xx
I put my phone back into my pocket and asked if I could go to the toilet. When she nodded I picked up my bag and left the room, walking out the doors towards Jack's car to see him already waiting there. I didn't particularly want to have this conversation but sitting in art brewing over it was ten times worse so I chose the lesser of two evils. The journey was short and silent as we were both thinking about what was about to come.
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"So Alex," Jack started as he finally joined me on my bed after raiding my kitchen cupboards. He chucked me some of the food he had brought up with him and fell on the bed.
"Jack," I replied the same slightly nervous tone in my voice.
"This feels really awkward and I don't know what to say," Jack chuckled nervously.
"I know."
"What about your song?" I gave him a confused look as to what he was talking about. "You know the one you wrote the other day that you said you would explain later. Well it’s later," Jack explained.
"Oh right. Erm, well I realized that I felt a certain way about someone and that song is kind of me saying that it's time for me to accept them and tell them how I feel. 'I've got the guts to say anything'," I quoted my own lyrics.
"Well that sounded horribly vague. We don't keep secrets from each other remember?"
"I know, but I don't know how to tell them."
"What are you trying to tell this person?"
"I love them."
"That's not a secret. I love you too."
"That's not funny Jack," I hit him on the arm. "Who says I was talking about you anyway?" He gasped at my question and placed his hand over his heart as though I had mortally wounded him.
"It's okay Jacky, I was only joking. I love you." I leaned in and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him.
"I love you too Lex."
"No you don't get it, the person I was talking about. It was you Jack. I love you." He loosened his grip and held me at arm’s length, looking at me. He wasn't saying anything and I couldn't even read his face; his emotions were hidden too well. My mind was starting to form all sorts of different scenarios about what Jack must have been thinking and almost all of it wasn't positive.
Jack hates you. Why would you tell him something like that? You don't know what love is you freak! He doesn't even like you and now he has the perfect reason to ditch your sorry fat ass. You should have not said anything then you might have been able to keep him in your life, but now you've blown it you stupid, pathetic waste of space.
I pulled out of Jack's grip and ran to my bathroom, where I collapsed to the floor against the door. It was only then that I finally let the tears begin to fall. I was so stupid! I shouldn't have told Jack that I loved him!
"Lex. Lex let me in!" Jack called from the other side of the door as he knocked the wood.
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~Jack POV~
"No you don't get it, the person I was talking about. It was you Jack. I love you." He told me. I pulled Alex out of the hug and looked at him. He had his head hung low in what I was guessing was shame, but I could hear and see the sincerity in his voice. He had just told me that he loves me. He felt the same way as me, now all I had to do was tell him how I felt. But before I even had a chance to open my mouth, he suddenly got up and ran to his bathroom. I heard him crying as I ran over to the door.
"Lex. Lex, let me in," I called softly as I knocked on the door. He sniffled and called out a weak no.
"How can we get anywhere if you don't let me in?" I asked.
"No, I can't."
"Why not? If you won't let me in, at least open the door so we can talk. It's too hard to talk through the door." I proposed.
"No."
"Why not Lex?"
"Because then you'll leave."
"If you wanted to stop me from leaving then you'd have to lock me in your bathroom. Didn't think this through properly did you?" He opened the door and I pulled him straight into a hug. "Hey I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me babe," I joked. He just gripped my shirt tighter as he continued to cry into my shoulder. I rubbed small circles in his hips.
"I know, I'm just being stupid."
"Yeah you are, because I haven't had a chance to tell you that..." I started but I was cut off.
"Tell me what?"
"That I love you."
"What?" He looked up to me.
"Be my boyfriend?" I asked him. He didn't answer my question, but rather leaned up and kissed me deeply. I was taken aback by his sudden movement, but I quickly relaxed into the kiss. It got heated quickly and soon Alex was sitting in my lap as his hands played with the hem of my shirt, his fingers slipping up under my shirt and roaming round my back. I let my hands wrap around his neck as my fingers knotted in his hair. Alex let out a small moan which I used to my advantage as I slipped my tongue into his mouth. We sat there making out for a couple of minutes before I had to break the kiss to breathe. I got off the floor and went over to Alex's bed, dragging him with me. He landed in my lap again and locked his lips onto mine again with his hands going to my hair this time, so I locked my hands around waist. Alex pulled away from me slightly and looked me in the eyes as he whispered.
"Only if you'll be mine."
