Blackmoon's Mate

Dark Awakenings

Song for this chapter. Let it Go by James Bay
Aurora
I woke up to darkness. Not the typical just turn on the light darkness; the darkness that allows you to see what's in your face. No, I awoke in darkness that my eyes never adjusted to. The worst part is the darkness also consumed me in pain. I was in agony and couldn't move a muscle; someone left me here to die. Wait, death, I died but came back but where am I? I can remember what it was like when I was dying and what it was like to die. The searing pain and them tranquility. The feeling I had been searching for found me as my life slipped away. Now in my own personal pain even the feeling is gone and I am alone. Not the alone that simply means by myself but the alone that describes someone with no one. I wonder what everyone is thinking about me now that I'm in the in between. I wonder how the hell I'm gonna get out. Then I remembered the story my dad told me about wolves and death. It was about a beautiful woman who had a mate who was cheating on her. The woman decided to end her life not able to bear the pain her wolf suffered. As she was dying her mate came and tried everything he could to save her but she died anyway. Two days went by and suddenly her body was moved and when they got her body back she was alive but in a coma. A fae (magical) man saw her and took pity on her so he cast a spell. If you died in the arms of your mate after you tried to end your life, you will sleep then suffer such pain in your mind. This could only happen once and if you wake and do it again you will die. You have to figure out how to rid the pain in the way you could've solved the issue. Then you will begin the you your awakening. Her mates name was Xavier and her name was Belle. He knew she was in pain and sat next to her apologizing for his stupidity. Little did he know that this was helping her. She was able to completely forgive him and those who did her wrong. The pain was gone except for a deeper pain that she couldn't figure out. Then she remembered what her aunt said, "The hardest thing is never forgiving others but forgiving yourself". She spent months trying to forgive herself for the brutal death of her mother but it got too hard. One day her father sat with her and spoke about the hardships of losing his mate. She was going to give up until her father said, "Belle you weren't responsible for her death. I never did nor will I ever blame you. Please forgive yourself. If not for me or your mate but for yourself. I know how much you've been hurting." With that he walked away and she decided to listen to him. That day she slowly but surely woke up. My father would tell me that story when ever I felt like her death was my fault. My mother got cancer shortly after I was born due to the difficulties of a human having a werewolf child. I had grown up listening to pack mates tell me stories of what she was like when she was here. How she loved my father and I so much that she sacrificed herself. She knew what would happen if she gave birth but still did. Being trapped inside your head really does something to you. I have calculated 132 days that I've been in my mind not only trying to forgive myself but just ease my mind and rid it of the negative thoughts that seek to ruin me. Tyler comes to see me everyday but the one person who hasn't came is Sarah. Jason comes all the time. He cries and says how stupid he was for allowing her to say those things to me. How if he had said something to me I would still be here and not in a coma. He speaks about how Sarah does nothing but cry and sit in the dark most days. How she is terribly sorry for what she said and was just too angry to not be a total asshole. Some days when people come and just visit me to cry or just to sit with me I can hear my fathers voice telling me it wasn't my fault. He tells me it's okay to let go, to be happy because that's what my mom would've wanted. I've been in my head for 258 days now. Tyler is getting restless and I am still trying to figure out who I have yet to forgive. Out of options I go back to the people who've hurt me the most. My uncle and Tobias, those ass hats took me and made me something I didn't want to be yet they've already been forgiven. Everyone who bullied me have been forgiven and now I'm at square 1 thinking. I'm not one to hold a grudge so this is quite hard. I've already cried and basically forced myself to forgive myself for my mom. I have yet to forgive myself for hurting everyone else. I spent a week crying and screaming, hitting walls and at times hitting myself for hurting the people I was supposed to protect. I am a Luna. I need to act like one because lately I haven't been the best. I have left my pack twice and I spent more time away then actually with them. I managed to lose their trust and love in an impulsive move to leave and take care of shit for myself instead of allowing the to help me. Then I came back regained their trust, only to succeed in ending my life because I was hurting due to what someone I really care about said.  I have got to be the biggest idiot in the world. Today was the day that I forgave myself for it. I laughed and laughed at myself and felt the deep pain go away. I was confused now. There was a light pain close to my heart that had yet to go away. Then I realized I never forgave her. I never forgave the person who broke my heart the night I went and decided to end it all. I swear the Moon Goddess is on our side today because she walked in. Sarah walked in and she finally let go. I sat and listened to her weep and sob; we both let go today. I soon fell into a deep sleep feeling light and pain free. Maybe this is better than the tranquillity of death. This, the peace that possessed my mind, lulled me into a beautiful darkness.
Hey guys how'd you like the chapter? Not really sure how I feel about it but tell me what you think. I'm updating a lot more these days. For you (yes you) who needed to hear it, let it go. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy! Lord knows I need to take my own advice. I'm here for you guys if you need a friend so. Comment, vote and share beautiful people