Blackmoon's Mate

Nothing but Fuckery

Aurora
Ever since I've woken up my so called mate seems to run for the hills when we are alone together. I'm dead ass! What the actual fuck is going on, you may ask? I'll tell you; nothing but fuckery that's what's going on. At first Tyler stayed by my side asking me if I remembered anything. One Friday evening I snapped and told him to stay away from me because what I remember is nothing good. I immediately felt horrible but before I could apologize his face went from kicked puppy to emotionless prick in seconds and he walked away. Ever since then when others are around I initiate light conversation trying to get him to speak to me and he answers with blunt emotionless answers. Goddess forbid we are ever alone! When we are he will simply leave, he ignores me all together and just walks! I mean I understand I was a bitch that day but damn son. What also makes me feel like shit is when I read the letters he wrote to me while o was sleeping. Having loads of time I have read the ones he gave me. Now the only time I know what he is feeling is when others tell me something. I know he still writes me letters and he gives me one almost everyday. Some are emotional and make me want to melt and the ones like today make me want to slap him/cry myself to sleep. Today I am reading the letter he wrote when he was angry that I ended my life. Honestly I have been emotional and this letter made me feel so horrible. It read;
Dear Aurora, when you wake up I don't know weather to kill you or kiss you. I'm so fucking pissed that you ended your life because that bitch hurt your feelings. I understand you were best friends but what kind of Luna does that!? It's not only about you dammit! You have a fucking pack and mate who would be reduced to nothing if you died. You are not fit to be Luna. Trying to end your life was selfish and stupid. Fuck! I just can't fathom why someone so perfect could be so impulsive and reckless. You could have at least made sure I wasn't the one to find you! How would you feel if I tried to end my life and you found me bleeding telling you to move on?! What if I died in your arms and there was nothing you could do? You are such a pain in the ass. I'm tired of living in the dark because of a decision that you made. My wolf blames himself and I for your actions. He thinks that even if we didn't trust you that we should have let you back in. I wanted to propose to you when I got home from that trip. Instead you die in my arms telling me love someone else. What the fuck is that shit, like really!? You were not thinking of anyone but yourself when you did that. You thought only of your pain and sorrows, you forgot about how we would feel. I can't say I hate you because I don't, I never could. I simply do not know when I will ever trust you again. You constantly make choices without thinking of how it effects others around you and for that reason I have no idea if you could be Luna. I mean first you walk away, then you go away for a year and now you try and leave forever. There is a pattern of you leaving that troubles me. If you wake up and read this I have never been so ashamed of someone in my entire useless life. Sincerely, Tyler.
I have read this letter so much that I have it memorized. I started reading it around noon. It is now 6:30 damn how time flies.
Trigger Warning
Now that I've wasted hours reading it the guilt overwhelms me. I start sobbing as terrible as it sounds. I still feel as if the feelings will crush my entire being so I go to the thing that has always helped when I felt this way. I found the razor blade and stared at it and washes it before I began assaulting my arms. The weight has yet to be lifted but it feels lighter. I stop cutting and look at my arms. I am standing up when I look in the mirror and am shocked and cannot speak. There behind me is Tyler and Sarah. Sarah is barely containing her sobs while Tyler looks emotionless and absolutely crushed. He focused on the letter I had in my hand that was covered in some of my blood. He didn't look me in the eye before walking out of the room. Sarah finally stopped crying and made me a bath. She added a lavender and vanilla bath bomb in it and washed my hair as I sat in the tub and drowned in my thoughts. I didn't even notice her leave and be replaced by a maid who helped me dry off and into some of Tyler's clothing. That night I stayed up until the next morning waiting for Tyler. By noon the next day my cut marks still looked fresh and then I remember that these will scar. I will be scared with these marks because I did them myself. No one has seen Tyler and if they have they don't tell me anything. I have finally had enough so I get dressed, packed and ask Mark to take me to the cabin where I can walk through the forest that is on pack grounds. I have spent 2 weeks here already and have yet to hear from Tyler and it bothers me. I pack my things and creep to our house silently letting myself in. When I arrive I hear Tyler talking to Aaron and Mark. I walk in the room and they all look at me silent. Tyler avoids my eyes so I ask, "What's going on here?". They all remain silent so I say the one phrase that seems fit, " Oh I know, nothing but fuckery.". Walking out of the room a gather some smacks, head to my room and watch Criminal Minds until I start dreaming of marrying Matthew Grey Gubler.
Hiya there. Hope you enjoyed and don't hate me too much. Lots of love! Vote, comment and share my lovelies