Blackmoon's Mate

My Last

*****Warning triggers ahead serious topics*****
Athena

I'm getting used to seeing them cuddled up and loving each other. She walks around smelling like him and him smelling like her. My heart aches and rages at the same time. I have a secret that no one but one other person knows. I should be dead for what I've done. Now I am looking out the window of my room and enjoying the scenery. Around me are silver razors, drugs and wolfsbane. I can't go on like this, living in this big house with the man I love and his mate. I feel as if someone takes a hammer to my chest every time I see them. My throat closes and my chest restricts and I run so they don't see the tears. A few times Tyler has come to make amends to no avail. My once bright eyes are dull and my once voluptuous hair sits on my shoulders lifeless. I have no mate and no friends surrounded by his love for her and it makes me so bitter. I once was the reason he smiled. He used to look at me like that but who am I kidding. He never looked at me the way he looks at her. With me it was as if I could go away and he'd search for me when he felt I was in trouble. He looked at her as if she could walk out of the room and he had to have her or else he'd lose his mind. I can't stop fucking thinking of him. His touch, his body, his eyes-- stop thinking of him. My heart is in pain and I'm not sure how I want to end my life as of now. About an hour ago I made the decision to end it all. It took about a month after they mated for it to finally hit me. He isn't mine anymore, frankly he never was. My mate was called Steele, Adam Steele. He is the lead warrior in a pack across the world. I met him when I took some time to myself. He is tall around 6' and very muscular, with carmel skin and blue eyes. When we met I was still in love with Tyler and refused to believe it but man when I saw him I knew. We spent days walking through the woods talking and playing in both skin and wolf forms. We made earth shattering love and he almost marked me, but I had Tyler to go back to. I left him before he knew about Tyler. I left him before he knew about my life and where I came from. I rejected my mate just to come back to a man who was in love with someone else when I returned. I felt so stupid but I tried to make him want me. Seeing her made me so angry; how could someone like her get his attention. That's the beauty of mates I guess, any woman or man from your past is nothing compared to your mate. I wonder what my mate is doing now. He was married to a woman and they had beautiful pups. His wife didn't really care that he was fucking me, she was with her mate as well. They are married simply because it was an arranged marriage and their pups would grow strong. Adam would make me happy. He would make my wolf happy as well. Well that's what I thought at least. When I called him earlier today he told me he was perfectly happy with his wife even if she isn't his mate and that he doesn't want me. My mate rejected me over the phone from over 45,000 miles away. That is why I got the necessities for a smooth death. My wolf died the moment I heard him say those things to me. I slowly died with her but I'm still living. I can't bare the thought of actually living life alone and bitter without my mate. I wrote a suicide note already that simply says, "I'm sorry but I love you. I wasn't strong enough. My mate rejected me, tell Adam Steele that I hope the Moon Goddess blessed him and his wife." That's all my note entailed of. I already called my mother and she knows what I'm going to do. She knows how deep my love for Tyler is and the pain of my own mate rejecting me. My mother tried to talk me out of it but she knows better, I said I love you and hung up. My phone is now shattered in the wall. I look at the drugs and decide to try cocaine. The man I got it from says it'll make me feel "alive again" oh the irony. A drug that makes you feel alive that can kill you just as easily. I smell the powder and instantly I feel different. The colors around me change and I feel as if I'm floating. I jump out my window and go for a run, the leaves of fall time red, orange and yellow cover the ground. The trees above me seem 10 times bigger and sway in the wind, or maybe it's just me. After about an hour of exploring the world with these new eyes the drugs wore out and I'm alone again. I trudge back to my room seeing Tyler and Aurora on the couch watching movies and laughing. I stop for a moment and stare as her and his eyes sparkle in their warm embrace, my heart yearns for that. I run up the stairs avoiding Tyler's screams for me to come back. He smells the drugs, as my alpha he can probably sense that I am close to the end. I lock my room door luckily made of soundproof steel and make my way to the bed. I take the syringe of wolfsbane, the rest of the cocaine and the silver razors in the bathroom. I make myself a bath, nice and warm that reminds me of the spring time pool parties I used to attend. I look in the mirror and see that I am thinner and can see my ribs. I sniff the coke then sit in the water with the razors and syringe ready. I inject myself with wolfsbane and make deep painful cuts with the blade on my neck and wrists. The last thing I hear is my door falling down or maybe it was my razor. As  I am embraced in a deep slumber my last thoughts are of the love I lost. That's when I realized my last thoughts should really count. I thought of Tyler my first but ended up with Adam, my last forever love.
Hey guys. I know it's been forever and a month but I am ending this book and starting another one called Start Over Again. Should be up by the end of this week or sometime today you never know. Love you all biyyyyeeee!