Thank You California.

A Journal To Joshua

*Colleen's pov*
Last night, Joshua and I... kissed. It looked so wrong but it felt so right. We have feelings for each other but can't be together. If we tell people about us, no one would ever talk to us ever again. People would call us cowards, disgusting human beings, foul people... the comments would never end. And that's why, our feelings for each other have to be limited and hidden. He hates it but hey that's what life is I guess.

*Joshua's pov*
I absolutely hate that I have to hide how I feel towards Colleen. I'm seeing her at school today and who knows how awkward and strange it will be. We have to act like nothing happened last night. People say that in movies, when people kiss it's fake and it's written in the script that they had sparks fly and fireworks exploded everywhere. I believe in true love, but even I didn't believe that until I kissed Colleen. It felt like it was the 4th of July and there were fireworks going on everywhere around me. I wish I could go back but I can't. Not in school, not in public incase we get caught.

*Colleen's pov*
I'm a little to excited to see Joshua today at school. I'm in the bus on my way to school and I decide to write in my journal. It's not just a journal though. It's a journal to Joshua. I started writing in it the third day we were talking, because I knew he was different. He wasn't like Shane, or any other of my guy friends. And I hope to someday give this journal to him and to be able to express my feelings out loud in front of a lot of people. I divide to write a little something because I totally forgot yesterday.

Dear Joshua, I am currently on my way to school. I am so nervous but excited to see you. It totally sucks that I can't hug you in the halls without people taking guesses and guessing right. Last night.. was our first kiss and it was amazing. I've never kissed a guy before, but your lips were the most soft lips I've ever touched. I cannot stop thinking about you and how I want to be with you 24/7. Oops I'm almost at school I have to go but I'll write some more soon. Bye!

I hop off the bus and immediate butterflies grow in my stomach, to the point where I'm about to explode. I calmly walk to my locker until I feel someone's hand brush against my arm. I jump and quickly turn to see who it is. Joshua. It takes all of me not to jump in his arms and hug him. I just give a shy smile. "Hey." He says to me. "Hi." I answer. "so are we making plans for tonight?" he asks. I look at him puzzled. "what plans?" I say and laugh a bit. He pulls out a piece of paper from his back pocket and hands it to me. "see you in English!" he says walking away to his locker. "k bye!" I call back. I hide the paper in my notebook so I can read it at lunch or something. Suddenly Mia walks up to me. "Colleen what are you getting yourself into?" she semi yells. I give her a confused look. "You can't date guys remember!" "shh people will hear you and think we're crazy! And I have nothing to do with him besides an English project." I say. She looks at me funny. "than what was the paper?" she asks curiously. "his address,so we can work on the project tonight." I lie. She buys it and walks away to class. Phew. That was a close one. We really have to be more careful.

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Shit is getting real folks.