If I Lose Myself (COMPLETED)

Epilogue

Epilogue

"I am sorry, Bea pero mahal ko pa talaga yung ex ko.. I'm really sorry for making you as my rebound. Minahal rin naman kita kahit pa paano diba? Alam ko ang laki kong gago, Bea.. Pero sana mapatawad mo ako. Kahit di man ngayon okay lang, tatanggapin ko.." she said while kneeling.

Kaya pala siya naging cold these past few days. She was just confused sa feelings niya. Kasalanan ko rin naman, ako yung nag-push. Akala ko kasi may chance kaming dalawa.

"Thank you for being honest with me, Maddie. It's alright. I get it. I hope he makes you happy." ani ko sa kanya at ngumiti.

If you're asking if it hurts, then it fucking hurts like hell. This is the first time I've ever loved someone.. at sa babae pa ako nahulog. What a life.

She hugged me so tight and I hugged her back. Di ko naman siya masisisi. Hindi rin naman ako nanghunayang dahil sumaya rin naman ako kahit papaano.

"Thank you, Bea! Thank you talaga!" mangiyak-ngiyak niyang sabi.

"Nah. It's alright. Basta tell me ha if that bastard hurts you again, I'm the one who's gonna make suntok to him. You know I have muscles diba?" nakangiting sabi ko.

Paulit-ulit lang siyang tumango at niyakap ako ulit ng isang beses bago umalis. I asked for her to leave me. Kailangan kong kalmahin ang aking sarili. I can't forget her that easily kaya lalo na't araw-araw kaming nagkakasama at nagtagal rin kami ni Maddie.

I even remembered I told her that I won't love again, that I felt scared to love again.

"Try mong mag mahal ulit, Bea. Alam ko namang hindi pa sirado yang puso mo. Di ka rin naman mahirap mahalin. Palayain mo iyang puso mo." nakangiting sabi ni Maddie habang tinatanaw namin ang papalubog na araw.

"I think I'm not gonna love again, Mads.. takot na akong mag mahal ulit. But I swear if that happens, I'm gonna make sure we're gonna last forevs. Sana nga lang we have the same attitude!" natatawang sagot ko sa kanya.

"Nako nako nako De Leon! Baka sa katapat mo pa ikaw ma inlove ah! Pustahan tayo gusto mo?"

"Sus, di yan. Tara na nga at umuwi na tayo!" sabi ko sa kanya at tuluyan na kaming bumalik ng dorm.

Sakto namang pagkauwi na pagkauwi namin ni Maddie ay may inanunsyo si Ate Ly na may bago raw kami magiging teammate.

That night, my heart keeps on beating so fast. I even a hard time sleeping. I felt weird instead na maging excited. Just when I knew that when the sun showed up, she did, too. I can even remember how bullied her on her first day of training.

I leaned and she was closing her eyes. Ano ba tong iniisip niya?

"Di yan rich kid, medyo OC lang. Di rin yan maarte, at lalong-lalong di yan loner." I whispered in her ear at pinakawalan na rin siya.

Akala niya siguro hahalikan ko siya that time. Well I just did that because trip ko talaga siya. Her expression was so priceless that it made me fall for her without noticing it. I'm I love how she stuttered that time. I love the cuteness she shows me everytime she has done something wrong. I love her simple gestures that make my heart flutter.

It even came to a point that I thought I was just craving for love. Na iyong pagseselos ko sa kanila ni Marci ay dahil lang sa uhaw ako sa pag-ibig. Not until I distanced myself to her. I laughed at the thought. Kung uhaw lang ako sa pagmamahal, bakit pa ako dumistansya? Bakit ako nasasaktan? Bakit ako naapektuhan?