amnesia | editing

***

"Shh, it's okay," Matthew desperately tried to comfort me, but the pain had taken a life of its own and I couldn't keep it back.

I kept crying.

By the time I finished sobbing my heart out, I was sure that:

1. My face looked red and blotchy,

2. I had wet mine and Matthew's shirt beyond wetness,

3. Matthew was trying not to groan at the wet mess I had made on his shirt and

4. Life had it in for me.

"You sure used a lot of tissue," he remarked.

I glanced at the two empty boxes of tissue.

Oops, I think I just killed some trees.

I managed a weak smile before helping myself up to the toilet to wash up. Glancing in the mirror, I saw that I was right. My face was red and blotchy, my shirt was drenched in tears of heartbreak and life really had it in for me.

I splashed some water onto my face and gripped the basin tightly, breathing heavily.

How could Javier? How could Claire? Even as I asked myself those questions, I knew the answer. I drew in a shaky breath, closed my eyes and flashed back to  22 December, the time where I found Javier and Claire together.

I stood in a room, crying onto Matthew's white shirt yet again for the third time, watching as Javier caressed Claire as if Matt and I were invisible. I'd cried once when I found Javier's hurtful messages on my phone, another when I told Matthew and Diana and Janice, and now. I vowed that this was the last time I would ever cry. 

Claire laughed as Javier told her about his new iPhone 6s and Siri's reply to him. I used to be the one sharing all these memories with him. It was so wrong to see him sharing things with Claire when he was supposed to be mine. " You're mine! Not Claire Harris's!" I yelled at him. Javier stood and tensed angrily. "No! Claire and I are supposed to be. Go find some other guy. I was your fourth, right? Go find your fifth!" he hollered.

I shook angrily. "What's wrong with me? You just don't know how to appreciate people, do you?" I retorted, and swayed unsteadily. Matthew caught me and righted me. Javier flared up, and I ran from him, with Matthew behind me. I ran to the roof as Javier appeared behind. "You're the one! Talking all about your best friends and how I'm so lucky to join them..." he kept talking but I couldn't hear a thing. Lucky? Of course he was. Lucky enough to join my group of best friends. I backed to the balcony and climbed on to the parapet.

Matthew's eyes widened. "Shut up, Javier!" he yelled furiously. His voice softened. "Zann, don't do this. We all care for you. I care. Please don't." I shook my head, crying so hard I could barely see. "Come back to me. Please?" he begged. I shifted toward him, his arms outstretched to catch me, but I toppled at the last moment and fell...

Ladies and gentlemen, that was how I got amnesia.

"Zann? You fine in there?" Matthew yelled through the door. I quickly dried my face with a towel and opened the door.

"Yes, I am."