The Cold-Hearted Bitch Diaries

Pilot Episode : Fearless

"Because I am me, and because I am mean."

-

Megan you are fearless.

Minasahe ko ang aking sentido. Pinikit ko  ang aking mga mata habang ramdam na ramdam ang mga alog at nakakahilong up and downs ng eroplano. Pinilit kong wag isipin na nasa eroplano ako at nag imagine ng masasayang bagay pero huli na ng maalala ko.

Wala nga palang masayang bagay na nangyare sa buhay ko.

Mabuti na lang at walang ibang tao sa eroplano kundi ang mga guards ko at mga stewardes. Isama na din ang aking utusan na si ... nakalimutan ko ang pangalan ng aking utusan hindi na bale hindi na mahalaga iyon.

Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa isang makapal na notebook sa aking mga hita. Kahit ayokong ibuka ang mga mata ko dahil i feel sick, I still did.

God! Why?

Napatingin ako sa bintana at walang ano ano'y kinuha na ang ballpen at nag umpisang magsulat.

Dear Diary,

It's been years but it still seems like yesterday. I can't say that It feels like yesterday because wala na akong maramdaman ngayon. Kahit na gusto kong umiyak ay wala naman luhang lumalabas. Ang tanging alam ko lang ay laging tumatakbo sa aking isipan ang lahat ng mga nangyare. At ang masakit doon? Ni hindi man lang ako makapag react dito.

Flashback:

"Umma!!" (Mother) 

"Megan! Don't run!" Napatigil ako sa pagtakbo at naglakad na lamang ng mabilis patungo sa aking umma na nasa garden namin at nagdidilig ng mga halaman niya.

Napakaganda talaga ng aking mama. Para sa'akin ay isa siyang diyosa!

"Umma! You're so pretty. When I grow up, I wanna be like you!" Umma laughed. Binuhat ako ng aking mommy at pinalipad sa ere pataas at pababa!

"Really? Of course honey you'll be more beautiful than I am. That I'm sure of. Pero ayaw mo ba maging katulad si Appa mo?" (Father)

Sunod-sunod ang aking pag iling."No Umma, I dont want to be like Mr. Seo because he is so grumpy and he is so sungit."

"Hayaan mo na ganyan talaga kapag mag memeno pause na. Hahahaha!" She laughed, but I didn't understand what she just said.

"I dont think so Umma. Because I always see him hitting you. Why does he hit you umma? Are you a bad girl?"

Right there and then I saw sadness in her eyes. At that time I don't understand anything, everything that happens in our house.

"Ha-ha-ha! I don't know honey do you think I'm a bad girl?"

Sunod sunod akong umiling. "No Umma, you're not! You're an angel! bu-but.."

"But?"

"I heard the maids say you're a b*tch and a sl*t. What does that mean Umma?"She was shocked. Pero nakabawi din siya kaagad at bumuntong hininga.

"That's not true baby.." Hinaplos niya ang aking ulo na para ba akong tuta.

"Being a b*tch is far more different than just being mean. I'm just mean honey. I'm just mean."

"No you're not mean mommy. They're mean because they say bad things about you!"

"That we can not control Henrietta. That's how the world turns honey. There are only two things you can do about it.  Accept and move on or fight and show them what they want to see."