Not Without You {Steve/Bucky Fic} COMPLETED

Chapter Four

Bucky had managed to eat his pancakes without falling to pieces. He shoved the tasty bites into his mouth, not taking any time to determine whether it tasted good or not.

He then put his plate in the sink, leaving Steve's plate so sit by itself next to the unlit candles.

He walked into the guest bedroom, locked the door behind him, and collapsed on the bed in a heep.

Before the man even had time to stop them, hot tears were leaking out of his eyes.

He laid there on the bed, quivering and crying, mentally beating himself up.

What did he think that making Steve a nice dinner would get for him? That Steve would see him as more than just his friend from his past life? More than a broken, disheveled man that hardly knew who he was?

Bucky was Steve's friend from his past life.

The life that Steve no longer held on to, unlike Bucky, who had spent his teenage years daydreaming about what it would be like to hold Steve's hand and take him out to dinner.

Daydream about being so madly in love with Steve and Steve actually returning the feelings, actually wanting to be with Bucky as much as Bucky wanted to be with him.

Daydreaming about being able to put his arm around Steve while watching a film at the theater with him, not some dame on his left that Bucky barely knew.

Steve had moved on.

Yes, he was still Bucky's pal, but whatever spark Bucky had thought that they'd had in the 1900s was gone.

Steve was with a woman.

But Bucky couldn't help but love Steve.

He didn't even remember exactly when he began to feel so strongly for his childhood friend.

The man had had a few thoughts about Steve, sure, but wasn't that normal?

The two would be watching a film together in the theater, and Bucky would wonder what it would be like to lean over and plant a kiss on Steve's pink lips like he did with dames.

He would place a blanket over Steve when the boy was still sickly and feeble and wonder if it would warm him up if his body was up against his.

Bucky would be sleeping alone in his bed and Steve would be on the couch, and Bucky would wonder if Steve missed Bucky even while they slept like Bucky did him.

Bucky finally pulled himself off the bed, wiping the tears from his face. He walked over to the mirror that hung on the wall and peered at his reflection. I'm a mess, he thought. His eyes were brimmed with red stains from the tears, his bottom lip still quivering.

Sighing, Bucky paced around his quarters.

He couldn't live like this.

He couldn't sit back and watch Steve be happily in love with a woman, while he secretly fawned over him, like he had since he was sixteen years old.

Bucky especially couldn't go back to going out with dames. He wanted Steve and Steve only.

The man sat back down on the bed sighing, running his fingers through his long hair.

He looked over on the nightstand. The only things on it was a framed black and white photo of Steve and Bucky from when they were kids, a lamp, and an iPod.

I put some of the old music we used to listen to on there, and some of the newer stuff that I like, Steve had told him. He then grinned and patted Bucky playfully on the back. Give the new century a try, pal.

Bucky picked up the slim rectangle, holding it daintily in his metal hand. He inspected the side of the device, pressing the buttons on the side until one of them lot up the screen.

Swipe to unlock, the device advised. Bucky swiped his index finger over the delicate screen like he's had seen Steve do.

It opened to a playlist of what Bucky guessed was music.

He clicked on the first name that popped up.

An acoustic riff began to play.

Bucky read the name and title on the screen.

Ed Sheeran, Give Me Love.

Bucky sat the iPod down on the dresser and laid down on the soft bed.

Closing his eyes, he tried to relax, thinking that the noise of the music might help him sleep.

Give me love, like her, the Ed Sheeran guy sang.

Bucky's thoughts immediately turned to Steve and Sharon.
He felt a knot in his throat as he tried to forbid the thought from him mind.

Because lately I've been waking up alone,

Bucky's breathing once again became uneven. He tried to tell himself to turn the song off, that it would only make him feel worse, but he couldn't bring himself to comply.

Bucky pulled his pillow up around his ears, trying to block out the lyrics that spoke straight into his heart.

His chest heaving up and down, Bucky removed the pillow and allowed the music to invade his ears.

Oh, I just wanna hold ya, "

The man immediately began to fantasize about wrapping his arms around his best friend, holding him.

All I want is the taste that you're lips allow

That's all he wanted. He wanted to feel Steve's pink lips that he's dreamed about since he was a teenager pressed up against his.

My my, my my, give me love.

He wanted Steve's love.

Bucky turned over onto his stomach, buried his face into his pillow, and sobbed into the darkness.