Not Without You {Steve/Bucky Fic} COMPLETED

Chapter Eight

A/N So, yeah, that was a mean cliffhanger. But seriously, I updated last night and Now I'm updating again today.
Geez, There's only like one person who ever comments/votes. But oh well :3 thanks again for reading!
. . . I don't even know why I put author's notes, I literally have nothing relevant to say. Aaanyways. . .

Even if it was only for a few fleeting moments, James Buchanan Barnes was in paradise.

Eyes closed, lips softly puckered, hands on the back of Steve's head, he had never felt the such surreal, pure bliss like he had then.

He almost forgot that he was actually kissing Steve, and that it wasn't a dream.

The man ran his fingers softly through the other man's blond tresses, ran his other fingers down Steve's neck, and back around his jawline. Gently, gently caressing him like he had wanted to for so long.

Steve, on the other hand, had his hands gripped onto the metal bar I'm front of him, his body almost trembling, his eyes opened wide like a dear in headlights.

The kiss wasn't near as long as it seemed to Bucky. In reality, it was quick, awkward, and unplanned.

But the Bucky, it felt like an eternity worth of much longed for happiness.

He whimpered softly when Steve abruptly tore his lips away from his.

His lower lips began to tremble in shock as it really dawned on him what he had done. He had kissed Steve.

Steve's eyes were still stretched wide, his jaw dropped, know speaking, just staring at his friend.

Not your friend for long, Bucky thought sadly.

"Steve," He began. "I-I I am so, so sorry, I just don-"

"Stop it, Buck. " the other man interrupted sharply.

Bucky flinched at the sharp tone on his friend's voice. Steve had never spoken to him like that.

"But Steve-" he said, all happiness of what had occurred more to later gone.

"Just don't, James. " Steve said again, but softer this time. He turned his body away from the other man's and stared at the darkening night sky.
"We'll talk when we get home. "

Bucky's jaw was dropped, his eyes burning from the unreleased tears they held captive. He did the same as Steve was doing, folded his hands neatly in his lap, and looked out at the view.

The ride came to a screeching halt, and the two men silently got off of the cart and onto the exit platform.

The old man operating the Ferris wheel smiled a toothless grin at the two as they walked by. "That was some kiss. " he laughed.

Bucky almost laughed.
Sure was, he thought to himself.
The only good kiss I've ever had.

All the dames he'd taken out dancing, or to dinner, or to a movie that he'd later locked lips with paled in comparison to Steve Roger's plump, pink lips.

And I'll never experience them again.

He climbed onto the motorcycle behind Steve, making sure he wasn't touching the man in front of him at all. Bucky was leaned back uncomfortably, his hands propped on the leather behind him.

The ride home was long and silent. Bucky nonchalantly watched the cars speed by them. He dreaded the events that were to occur when they arrived back at Steve's apartment.

Steve's apartment, he reminded himself.

Not yours and his, just his.

It dawned on Bucky how much of a burden he must be to Steve.

Like he needs a mentally mixed up friend constantly hanging around him, he thought.

And he doesn't need a friend that's going to stare at him with doe eyes, daydreaming about marrying him.

Bucky's breathing sped up as Steve parked the motorcycle and entered the apartment.

Steve began silently climbing the stairs to the apartment, not looking at Bucky once.

A single tear snaked its way out of Bucky's eye. He sniffed quietly as he wiped it away with a metal finger as he followed Steve up the stairs.

Bucky's heart was speeding while Steve unlocked the door. The two men entered the apartment, and Bucky headed straight to his room and shut the door behind him.

A knock sounded seconds later.

Bucky flopped down on the bed and covered his head with a pillow.

"Bucky, please come out. I think we need to talk. " Steve said, voice muffled through the door.

"Nothin' to talk about. " Bucky replied from underneath the pillow, fighting to keep his voice strong as tears spilled out from his eyes and onto the mattress.

He heard Steve sigh. "Buck, really, you need to come out here an-"

"I'm real tired, Stevie. " Bucky lied.
"Can't we wait til tomorrow? "

Steve said nothing at first, then sighed.

Bucky heard his footsteps sound further and further away from his room until he heard them no more.

He jumped up, rubbing the tears off his face.

"This will never work," he said quietly to himself as he retrieved an old backpack that he used to keep his notebooks in out of the closet.

The man managed to cram four pairs of boxers, three tee shirts, and a pair of jeans into the backpack, along with the old photo of him and Steve that sat on the nightstand.

He grabbed one of the pillows off of the bed, and stuffed a spare blanket into the pillow case.

Bucky looked at the clock that sat on the dresser. It was only nine thirty. Steve would probably be up for another hour.

He sighed as he sat back down on bed. Deciding he should get a few hours of rest, he slipped off his shoes, hoodie, and jeans until he was just in his tee shirt and boxers.

He laid down on the soft bed, keeping in mind that it would probably be the last one he would lie on for a while.

The man pulled the comforter over his body, snuggling deep onto the mattress.

Bucky closed his eyes, muting the tears that once again threatened to spill out of his eyes.

He would awaken in a few hours once he knew Steve was asleep, and slip out of the apartment.

He would do his best to get on in life without Steve, and Steve would be able to get on with his life without Bucky's baggage as well as his own.

But for now, James Buchanan Barnes sleepily reminisced about his bittersweet kiss with Steve Rogers.