My Horrible Life

Regret

Ok, so my family was discussing with us about getting a new dog since Calvin passed a couple months ago. My sister works (more like volunteers) at a place that sells dogs that they find in shelters, which is a sweet thing. Apparently Logan had her eye on one particular dog at the place, because the dog paid lots of attention to her. After a while my mom started to like the dog too, because she would sometimes go with Logan to see him. We decided to get the dog. By "we" I mean Logan and my mom. They just kept pressuring us to get the dog so we did. Turns out the dog is from a person who had hoarded dogs, so this dog wasn't very sure about its place. We (again I mean Logan and my mom) named the dog Hobbes, going along with the comic series, because we also had dogs named Calvin and Suzie. So this dog is very timid, and we were all trying to bond with it. But this dog is like, scared or something. If you try to pet it, it'll sniff your hand and then just kinda move away if you reach out to it. It's really fucking annoying. But you wanna hear something else? It doesn't do it to Logan. She's the only goddamn person who it isn't afraid of. I bet she feels so fucking special because of it. Not only does this dog let her pet it, it follows her, lays with her, and listens to her. We all try to bond with it, but it just loves Logan. It's fucking bullshit that she had a few weeks prior to get to know the dog and create a bond with it. "Let's get another dog." "It'll be part of our family." "It'll help out our lives." That's what my mom and sister said. That's what they fucking said. This is not helping. This creature in our house is simply another thing added to my misfortune. Why? Just why? I was actually excited when I heard we were getting a dog. I wanted to play with it, hug it, and take care of it. It would give me a chance to start over, because I didn't make too good of an impression on Calvin. He just thought of me as anyone else. This dog, I wanted to create a special bond with. But no. Logan fucking beat me to it. And I'm stuck with this. If I say I want to get rid of this dog, my family won't do anything about it. They'll just say, "just give it time" or "try to bond with it more." I can't. This isn't OUR dog.

It's Logan's.

It only cares about her.

She doesn't deserve this kind of love! She's given me and many others so much suffering! This dog only loves her, and it's gonna stay that way! It'll ignore us, only following her as if she's its owner and we're just all other random people. I said I would help take care of this dog. I was happy that I would actually be able to truly love something. This dog is gonna stay with us for many years, and I'm gonna suffer through all of them. I opened up my heart to this dog, something I usually never do, and this fucking dog. It ignored it. It ignored the open gates of my heart. Now I'm going to shut those gates, locking them. This dog is never going to get love from me, just like I'm never going to get love from it. But what does that matter? It has Logan, and clearly she meets up with all the standards to take care of a dog. She'll play with it, hug it, and take care of it, just like I wanted to. It'll be her best friend, her dog. Not ours. Logan is going to get so much happiness from this dog, and it'll get happiness from her. Fucking animal. It doesn't realize that it can open up to others. Maybe that's why it was rejected by the person who tried to adopt it before us.

It hurts. Not getting love from something you'd wish to love so dearly. It hurts even more to see that things love go to someone else, not you. This godawful animal brought into our household. I have to live with this! JUST SOME MORE FUCKING MISERY THROWN INTO MY FACE!!!! THANKS WORLD!!! My mom wonders why I don't love her. It's because she brought me into this world. This cruel world that I'm forced to live in. I really wish that I hadn't been born, and I'd kill myself if it just wouldn't hurt. But there's one little problem to ending my suffering. I wouldn't be able to cause it. That one strand of reason is why I'm still here. I hate it. I hate everyone.

Jesus, this got depressing!