Stranger's Bed

Chapter 23

Sa huling araw namin sa isla ay namasyal kami para kumuha ng pictures. Madaming turista doon kaya medyo nahirapan din kaming kumuha ng instagram worthy shots.

"They, do you know that your Mommy can paint? She's a really good artist."

"Really? Can you teach me how to paint, Mommy? Please?"

Ngumiti ako kay Theon at tumango. "Yes I will, baby. When we get back to Bangkok, I'll teach you how."

"I have an idea." Nakangiting bumaling sa amin si Kieron.

Bago pa kami nakasagot ay hinigit na kami ni Kie pabalik sa hotel. He asked us to change clothes while he get something. I chose a royal blue halter maxi dress to compliment my fair skin. Ganoong shade din ng polo at board shorts and isinuot ko kay Theon.

He looked at me while I'm dressing him so I smiled and asked why. "Mommy, did you have any other boyfriends before Daddy?"

I smiled at him and nodded. "Yes baby, I did. Why do you ask?"

"I'm just curious, Mommy. Did you love Daddy more than you loved them?"

Sasagot pa lamang ako nang kumatok si Kieron sa pinto. "Let's go?"

We walked to the part of the island where the sandbar is visible. May kinausap si Kie na na mukhang taga bantay ng isang gazebo at pinaupo kami sa isang swing na kasya ang tatlong tao.

Nagpakuha kami ng mga litrato doon na may view ng sand bar at ng dagat. Matapos iyon ay naglabas si Kieron ng isang canvas at easel. Parang hinawakan ng kung anong mainit na kamay ang puso ko nang makita ko iyon.

Kie smiled at me while he set it up. Si Theon naman ay panay ang cheer at sigaw dahil unang beses niya akong makikita na magpinta.

The last time I painted was when I found out that I was pregnant with Theon. I still had my burdens with me so I let it out through painting. I painted my pain, their betrayal, and how foolish I am to believe all of them.

Matapos nang araw na iyon ay hindi na ulit ako humawak ng paintbrush, acrylic, o kahit anong related sa painting. It reminded me of how hurt I was for the things that made me happy... even my skills in painting were from my Dad who had lied to me all along. So I tried to bury everything connected to that. But I still remember it like it was just yesterday.

I am pregnant. A baby will be growing inside of me. I am going to be a mother... to Arvin's child. I offered myself to him that night. I jumped into a trap I made for myself... and him as the opportunist, took advantage.

I walked heavily out of the hospital after learning about my baby. Paano ko 'to sasabihin kay Mommy? Hirap na hirap na kami sa buhay. Nasisante pa ako. I know may ipon kaming kaunti, pero hindi sapat iyon ngayong madadagdagan pa kami ng isa... She'll be disappointed. I am such a disappointment.

Agad akong nagpunta sa Central Mall para bumili ng gamit. I need to paint. I need to vent it all out. Halos magkulang pa ang pangbayad ko sa mga materials, pero binigay ko na lahat. Kahit maglakad na ako pauwi. Sumakay ako ng bus papunta sa paborito kong park kung saan kitang-kita ang kabuuan ng Bangkok.

Wala ni isang luha ang tumulo sa mga mata ko. Galit, inis at takot ang nararamdaman ko. Gustong-gusto kong sumigaw sa mga taong nanakit sa akin. Even if they couldn't hear me... I wish I could all blame them. But I have brought this to myself, too.

Hanggang sa matapos akong magpinta ay wala akong ibang iniisip kung di ang lahat ng nangyari. Lahat ng sakit, ng sama ng loob. Lahat ng panloloko nila sa akin. They had it all planned out.