Indecisive 2 (Sequel)

Chapter 6: Priorities

Chapter 6: Priorities

Whitney POV:

Song- Breathe Me: Sia

My pen etched into the pages.

It felt as light as a feather in my hand but the ink that filled the empty lines took the heaving weight off my chest.

Only to be replaced with more pain.

I didn't quite know where to start with this, it's been so long since I've had to use this as an outlet. One that masks the real one in which I chose.

Well I guess chose isn't the right word because I didn't feel in control of it anymore. Perhaps that is what scared me the most because it gave me an overwhelmingly false sense of it.

I thought back to those days, ones that were the best yet worst times.

When I thought I was happy, but it really takes time to look back, to really see just how miserable I was.

How miserable I was without him.

And now it just feels like I lost Harry all over again.

The fact that he couldn't remember me-

It was like having a book without the pages.

You can see it. See what it used to be.

Remember. Remember what it used to say.

But it's empty.

So damn empty.

And nothing will ever fill that book but those pages themselves.

I didn't have the pages-

In other words Harry didn't have the memories.

So the book was as good as gone-

The past two months were as good as gone because the pages weren't coming back.

And I was just now trying to accept that, accepting it not so well to be precise.

I sighed as a droplet of water fell from my cheek, staining the page.

I quickly wiped that which threatened to follow, bringing the pen back to the page to continue.

'When you write, I want you to write like your speaking to yourself. You can never be too honest.' My therapists words from our first session replayed through my mind as I searched for guidance.

"It's been long. Too long." I wrote.

"I know I should know better." I alleged, ink to paper, "But now matter how hard I try nothing seems to be getting better. Only worse."

So damn worse, I thought to myself, but found myself unable to fully admit that into the journal of locked secrets.

'Ask yourself how long it's been. Find the trigger.'

I refused to mention him, Andy, he wasn't worthy of anything, a second of my thoughts so I decided to skip the second because I already knew he was the trigger, returning to the first.

How long has it been?

Pizza.

The pizza was nice.

The burger and fries.

I played it off so well.

Andy- As sick as it made me to think back to him. I couldn't deny he knew how to spot the signals. But Harry- he was sometimes so unaware.

The secret within itself giving me a greater sense of control, no matter how wrong it really was.

He didn't even see how I never actually took a bite of anything.