In Pursuit of Happiness

1- Baby Boy

Matthew's P.O.V

(Matthew in mm)

My favorite part about my day is when I get to see my heartbeat after he leaves school. He gives me hope and a reason to continue through life and serving a purpose. I knew it would be tough when his mom died but I had no choice but to face the tough times with him. I try my hardest to provide for him and make sure that he has the basic things he needs so he can at least be a normal kid. When I sit and I think about how lucky I am to have him still, after that terrible accident that took his mother's life but spared his. He was just a baby at the time being two years old, I feel like I was given a second chance to show him that life can be better if you try.

It has been two years since the accident and Matai Roman is as healthy as they come. There are days when I feel like I don't deserve a kid like this because he is so humble and he deserves the world that I can't give him. Heck! I can't even buy food at times because I don't make enough money to buy groceries as often as I should. Well, today was one of those days where I will have to go without. Before I go on let me tell you about myself. My name is Matthew Roman, I am twenty-six years old and I am six feet tall.

I was standing in the kitchen with a half box of mac and cheese in the cupboard. I was tearing up inside because I had nothing else and no money at the moment. Matai will be home in a few minutes and I had to put on my happy face because I don't want him worrying about anything other than being a kid. Our apartment was very small so Matai got the bed, therefore, most nights I slept on the couch in the room. He would get up some of those nights and sleep on my chest on the couch even though I gave him the bed to sleep comfy.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the door closing and my baby boy shouting out for me.

"Daddy where are you?" he was all smiles and that made me feel better. I quickly hugged him when he ran and sprang in my arms.

"Hey baby boy how was school today?" I was giving him kisses on his forehead and he was giggling his sweet little giggle. I love to hear him laugh, to see him happy and excited because I know I can't provide all he would like to have at this age.

"Daddy! Lucas took his plane for show and tell and it was fun."  I could see in his eyes that he would love one because he has a thing for planes. That broke me inside; not being able to buy him the toys he likes when we go to the store to get food stuff.

"That sounds like a lot of fun baby boy. Did the kids like your teddy?" I knew he loved his teddy and he begged me to let him bring it to school for his show and tell.

"Yeah they did. Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"I am hungry" he said and I was expecting that. I couldn't help but chuckle even though I felt like my entire heart was opening inside.

"Ok little man let us get you cleaned up and fed." I made his mac and cheese, he ate and drank juice. I was freaking out inside because it was not yet time for dinner but I had to feed him. He was playing with his toys in the bedroom while I was in the kitchenette. I could not help the tears falling while standing at the sink.

I took a deep breath, I took up my phone to do the one thing I was dreading the most. I dialed the number then I placed the phone to my ear, listened to the ring then I heard him.

"Hello" he said dryly; I knew he recognized my number. It has been about three months since we last talked and it did not go well.

"Hey ummm how are you Dad?" I asked. I knew his response would be unkind and I understood why. I was not the perfect son and I guess this is why I am going through this now.

"What do you want Matthew?" he said and I could hear the disgust in his voice. I really felt like hanging up but I have to do this for Matai.

"Dad I really need your help. I am out of cash and Matai doesn't have anything here to eat apart from the half box of mac and cheese I just made," I explained with my head down as if he could see me through the phone.

"Matthew I will send you money to your account. I am only doing this because of Matai, because he is innocent in all of this." I could tell that would have been his response. I was about to thank him but he hung up. I went to the bathroom to take a shower and I silently said a prayer for my Dad while standing under the water. I was happy because the last two times he did not even answer me. I got dressed then I took Matai with me through the front door. We walked to the store to get some stuff for him. When I checked my account, I saw that my Dad sent me three hundred dollars. I took out my phone and called him back.

"Dad, I only wanted like a fifty because I can't afford to pay back three hundred dollars!" I said with so much worry.

"Matthew, you don't have to pay back anything. I sent it for my grandson Matthew so just take it and let me be" he said and hung up.

I was so ashamed and I felt like an incompetent father to my kid. I took a deep breath before Matai and I went grocery shopping, I even bought him a toy he was eyeing.

"Well bud it is just you and I now. Just know that your daddy loves you to the moon and back again" I said while kissing his forehead which made him smile.

"Thanks daddy and I love you too" he said as he was laying his head on my shoulder. As we stood in the line to check out and head home, I kept repeating little words of prayers to give thanks.