In Pursuit of Happiness

4- I Wanna Start Again

Matthew's P.O.V

I got up to the sound of my alarm and I started the morning routine again. Matai and I have eaten and we were on our way to my work as he would spend the day there with me. I clocked in and took him to the lounge and stooped to his level so I could talk to him.

"Baby boy, daddy is gonna leave you here and let you play with your toys and coloring book, but you have to promise me that you will not leave this room and that you will not give any trouble. If something happens to you promise you will tell me." I begged him and he was nodding his head.

"Matai if someone tells you they will hurt me or they will hurt you if you talk, you have to tell me still or else no planes. But, you can't tell them you are gonna tell me it has to be our secret ok son?"

"Yes daddy I know not to talk to strangers and not to let them touch me." He sounded exasperated by my little lecture to him and I felt proud that my baby boy was growing up to be so smart. I left him in the lounge and told my supervisor to just help me check on him throughout the day which she had no problem with.

I spent the first half of the morning packing shelves and after checking on Matai and showing him the bathroom in the lounge area, I went to give him something to eat. I made him his favorite sandwich and gave him his juice box with it. I had my usual which was just some juice because I did not want to run out of food and have to call my father again as he was out to get me.

"Daddy am I gonna go to Kyle's birthday party at Ms. Ella? He's my friend from kindergarten" he asked me and I was a bit confused because when I picked him up yesterday, Ms. Ella didn't say anything about a party. He was looking at me and waiting for an answer.

"Ummm I don't know about that party baby boy but let me call Ms. Ella right now" I told him knowing he would not stop asking this question until he got an answer. I took out my phone and called Ms. Ella and she answered on the third ring.

"Hello, Ms. Ella?" I said.

"Hello" she responded.

"It is me, Matthew; Matai said that there is some birthday party or the other he is to go to for a kid name Kyle. Is it true?"

"Oh well yes it is but I am afraid that Kyle's parents did not remember to leave an invitation for Matai. Let me give them a call and call you back," she said and then we hung up. A few minutes later she called and said that he was to be there and that the party was tomorrow at 3 pm.

"Ok kiddo I guess you have a party to go to. Now, what are you gonna get Kyle for his birthday?" I asked after seeing the huge smile on his face.

"He loves action figures dad, let us buy him one." he told me while climbing all over me in excitement. I told him ok and then I got back to work; I headed to the toy section and I found a reasonably priced action figure pack and I bought it.

After work I was standing at the bus stop waiting on the bus with Matai when the one person I was hoping to stay away from pulled up at our feet.

"I need to talk to you right now Matthew so get in and I will take you home" my dad said while looking at Matai the entire time. He has never seen my son fully except for the last time he came by my door with the lady from CPS.

"Naw we are ok! Remember I am gay so I don't want you to catch it sir. Now, please leave us alone or I will call the police." I seethed because I was hurt by how he treated me. He got out of his car and walked over to me and Matai; he stooped to Matai and then said

"Hey Matai, I am your grandpa Michael, could you tell your dad that you wanna drive with your grandpa and talk to him? I got you toys even a train set!" he said and I was shocked because he was being so lovable to Matai and it reminded me of when I was a kid, his kid. Matai looked up at me with a smile,

"Daddy is he my grandpa for real?" he asked.

"Yes Matai, this is my father and so that makes him your grandpa" I explained to him while looking at my dad. He stood up and grabbed my hand then said,

"Please Matthew I need to talk to you."

I sighed and then went in the car with Matai. He placed Matai in the back in a car seat that I did not even realize was there.

"I got it for him because I wanted to make sure he was safe like I did with you. Never had you or your brother in the car without your car seat and seat belt" he said. We drove off and we traveled the whole way in silence. When we got to my apartment I invited him in. He came in and started looking around. He saw that I was looking at him and it made him uncomfortable but I could not stop staring. This man was suppose to be my dad, the man that should love me no matter what.

"Matai go get your toys or coloring book and play while I talk to your grandfather."

"Daddy can we get a TV so I can watch cartoons?" he asked and I got upset with him for airing out our business like that; even though he did not quite understand what he just did, he gave my dad ammunition against us.

"Matai Roman you get you little butt in that room and play while I talk to your grandfather!" I knew I was being stern and he hated when I got like that.

"You don't have a TV for him to watch? Matthew I will get you guys a TV if you want" he offered but I just got angrier.

"Listen! I don't know what your deal is with me Michael but I don't want you around me or my kid! You disowned me for something so minute and you have no idea how bad you broke me! I have been through so much just to make it work and to make my son happy! You know you were my hero and that I tried to be the best son ever, especially since mom died. You kicked me out without a place to go and until this day I am still wondering if this was a dream because you always said you would be there for me when I was growing up. Now, you're trying to take my kid from me and you have  Mitch threatening me with CPS! They came here yesterday as you requested and now I have a meeting with them about my finances and the safety of my child. I eat once per day just so that I don't run out of food for him to eat so I don't have to call you again! I don't buy shit for myself because he needs it more! I don't go out with my coworkers because he needs me more! Dad it hurts how you are treating me and what you are doing to me. It hurts dad!" I finally cracked and I was crying while expressing myself to this man that has made me hurt so much. I was sitting on the couch with my head in my hands when I felt my dad wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.

"Matthew I was wrong and I hate myself to see what I did to my little prince. I am sorry for all that I did I just didn't want to be the talk of the town having a gay son. I know it was selfish but I was scared and angry because I lost my wife and I thought I was losing my son too. Matthew please find it in your heart to forgive me for putting you through this." I have never seen my dad like this, he was crying and he was hugging me so tight and kissing my forehead. I finally caved and hugged him back because I missed him.

"Dad promise me that this isn't a joke and not some scheme to plot with your brother because if it is I don't think I could handle it" I had my head on his shoulder as he was now kneeling in front of me. He used his hand and raised my head.

"Look at me, I fucked up big time for all this shit and I swear I can no longer hurt you. What Mrs. Dixon said to me when we came here Wednesday night has been on my mind since. I am so sorry Matthew and I wanna start again; I wanna know my son all over and my grandson too" he explained. I just hugged him as I nodded my head.