In Pursuit of Happiness

12- Confused

Matthew's P.O.V

{Matthew in mm}

I can never catch a break at all. My son is my world and I am gonna be damned if I let some nigga let me lose my son. Dad was at his place and Matai was crying to go with him so they both left together while my brother went home. I was looking over some stuff dad left here for me to work on for a meeting on Wednesday. I tried to concentrate, but my mind kept going back to the messages and the fact that Daniel put us in so much danger.

My phone brought me out of my thoughts from the loud ringing. I checked to see that it was Jamal from the store I worked before that was calling.

"Hey Mal how are you?" I asked.

"I am mad at you because you left and didn't see it fit to tell me even though you know how I feel about you" he said.  It was obvious in his voice he was not pleased.

"Jamal I am sorry but I just had a crazy weekend and stuff. Please forgive me Mal, you know I wouldn't do you like that intentionally."

"You're lucky you're sexy and sweet or else I would just drop yo ass." He said causing me to chuckle. "What are you doing?" He asked me.

"Just working on some stuff for the new job but I am not able to focus right now. Pretty much wasting time. What about you?"

"I am here at home, was wondering if you wanna hang out a little." I thought about it and I really wanted to do it.

It was a cool evening so I grabbed a light sweater before I left to meet up with Jamal. We walked to a pastry shop and he bought us the best chocolate cake ever! We walked to a seat that overlooked the bay area and it was beautiful; I never took the time to come here one night to see the ships, boats and all the city lights.

"What are you thinking about Matthew?"

"Nothing, I just think it is very beautiful out here with all the lights and all" I replied.

"Ok cool. Why is it you never wanna give me a chance and let me be your man?" He was looking at me with an intense stare, a look that was so sexy on him.

"Jamal you know why. You have a girlfriend and you guys have kids together. I mean, if it was just you and the kids then I probably would have because you are a sweet guy. You are handsome and sexy as hell! But, I can't set myself up for hurt. I am already hurting as it stands with the guy I am dating" I explained. He shook his head and stood up. I thought he was leaving but instead he pulled me up and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I don't wanna be with her! I want you. Matthew, you have no idea what you do to me at all. You got a nigga trippin' here! I wanna be a better man because of you. When I was down and out you was always there talking me through all the shit I wanted to do. You was my only friend when you was at the store. If it means leaving her, I am willing to do it for you and you know that."

I knew he would do it, but it only made me feel as if he would do the same shit to me. What if he met someone else that makes him feel alive and good? Then what?

"Who this nigga you be dating?" he asked and I hissed my teeth at him. "Yo quit that shit and answer"

"He is a cop. He pulled me over once and instead of writing me a ticket he asked me out on a date. I accepted so he took me and Matai out." I sighed before continuing, "we were at a little cafe getting ice cream and shots started to fire and I got shot."

"What the fuck! He is the reason you got shot? Matthew, how come you never said that shit when I visited you at the hospital?" he was getting mad and I could understand, but I also didn't wanna deal with any form of aggression right now. The night is beautiful and this sexy man is holding me I thought to myself, no aggression please.

"I didn't know until we went to the beach yesterday. He got a text message and started acting all kinda weird. When I finally asked him for the truth, he told me. I told him I wanted to see the messages, that's when I found out it was all because of him. These niggas after him and shit Jamal!"

"Matthew, you better get away from that dude. If you ask me he sounds like a corrupt cop for niggas to be after him."

We talked for the rest of the night and Jamal was still hitting on me hard. We were even hugged up at one point. I like him a lot, but at the same time I know I can't get with him because that would be way too complicated and I still had feelings for Daniel.

Jamal walked me to my door and before I could go he kissed me. I had no idea he was that good a kisser; I always thought about what it would be like feeling his lips on mine and he showed me tonight. I couldn't help it and I went against everything and kissed him back. Next thing I know is that we were in my room! I stopped him before it got to a point of no return.

"Jamaaaaal What the heck are we doing?" I said softly. He was standing before me caressing my cheek with his thumb and then he leaned his forehead to mine.

"I want you Matthew! I wanna be with you! I mean, I know it is complex with me having a girl and maybe we would have to be DL for a while, but I want you because I love you. You know I am in love with you Matthew and I can't help how I feel."

"I don't know what to do Jamal, it is hard to make a decision right now because both of you are so different. I will talk to you in the morning after I get my son from my dad's place." I told him and he kissed my cheek and left.

I was feeling guilty about what happened and I just had to tell Daniel. I went back through the door and drove over to his place. I was about to buzz his apartment when I saw a guy exit the one across from his.

"Matthew?" the person said. I did a double take at that, I realized that it was one of my friends from high school.

"Jerome? Oh my gosh! Boy it has been ages since I have seen you! How are you?" I asked as we hugged each other.

"I am good! I have been working and studying, just living a quiet life. You live here?"

"No, I am actually here to see the guy that lives here" I replied. We both knew about each other being gay in high school and we were always friendly with each other and hung out a few times.

"Oh the cop guy! I think I saw him leave with his girlfriend earlier. He seems like a cool guy. The girlfriend, not so much though." I was confused and just left speechless, but I had to say something.

"Oh I am yet to meet the infamous girlfriend. So where are you headed all dressed up?"

"I have a date right now with a guy I met recently" he said.

"Ok well have fun on your date and I will see you around" I said and we exchanged numbers before he left. I went back to my car, drove home and went straight to bed. I only had one thing on my mind; Daniel Sirjue has a girlfriend.

I woke up on Monday morning to what felt like someone in my bed, My little bunny rabbit. I thought it was Matai so when I opened my eyes and I saw Daniel staring at me shirtless, I was surprised.

"Hey babe" he said softly then leaned over to kiss me but I turned my head away.

"Naw, I can't be babe because you already have one" I said and he looked confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that I came over to talk to you about something last night, but instead you were out with your girlfriend that you somehow forgot to mention."

He looked like a fish out of water how his mouth was opening and closing not knowing what to say.

"It isn't that serious and Matthew, I told you this was new to me and that I was into girls"

He did say that but he did not say he had one currently.

"You did not tell me you had a girlfriend! That is what I am angry about. You have a fucking girlfriend and you failed to mention it to me. You did not give me the chance to say if I wanted to do this or not Daniel!"

"Baby I am sorry and I will end it with her because it was not even serious. I swear I am gonna end it."

He took out his phone and called a number when the person answered he put it on speaker.

"Hey Christina, it's Daniel"