Iloveyou more than Imissyou

Too much

Chapter 10

I stop myself from crying. Lumabas agad ako na parang walang nangyare. Nakita ko sila na nagkakasiyahan. I plasterred a smile on my face even though i want to cry like baby form this damn feelings.

"Zia! Halika. Kanina ka pa namin inaantay" sabi ni Marie at napatingin silang lahat sakin. Nag lahad ng upuan sa lamesa.

"Zia dito ka na. Buti gising ka na tara inom" sabi ni kuya Nel. Umupo agad ako sa tabi nya. Nasa pagitan nila ako ni Arvin na tahimik lang na nakatingin sakin. I smiled at him and take the hard liquor. I taste the alcohol invaded my inside. Nilagok ko ng tuloy tuloy. Nalasahan ko ang pait. Pero hindi ko ininda ito. I'm not usually drinking. But i need it now.

"Woah! Nice shot! Bottoms up" sigaw ni Tris. Ngumiti lang ako at nakinig sa kanila.

"Set up natin yun videoke." Sabi ni Laurence. Great! I really want to sing to express myself. Ini-start nila yun videoke at si Tris ang unang nag salang ng kanta. She entered

Huling sayaw - Kamekazee

Maganda ang boses ni Tris. She sings good. And i just couldn't stop myself to feel the lyrics of the song. Sabi nga nila when your inlove you enjoy the music but when your hurt you understand the lyrics.

Sometimes small things have the great impact. Nababaliw na siguro talaga ako. Ilang years na ba ang nakakaraan nung huling nagka boyfriend ako?

1 year? 2 years ago? Hindi ko alam but i'm sure it is more than since then.

My past relationship or last rathrr was like a mushroom. Am i really considered it as relationship? I don't know.

I was once hurt. So much to be exact. Heart broken ako noon sa isang guy who used to date me but it last for a month. I knew him in facebook for almost half year. We chat and exchange number. I don't want to have a boyfriend that time coz for me relationship won't work at the age of 17 i think? He courted me and dated for almost a month. I felt that i was falling for him but i didn't told him about it yet that time coz i wanna make sure of my feelings towards him.

Ang hirap ng paulit ulit kang nasasaktan. Nakakasawa. So i barred my heart. I knew man won't take it seriously when still young. I am referring to relationship. I'm not really matured but i think i knew better at young age. I am not naive seeing my friends and family having their heart broke by a man. Most woman at a very young age ended crying. Me too. I experienced lot of it when i started having a boyfriend on my third year high school. I am once a playgirl. Timer.

Kahit naglalaro ka din kasi di mo alam kung seryoso ba sya sayo. You cannot fool yourself that even a bit you have invested feelings towards that person. And that feelings backfired you when the game is over. Maniwala ka man o hindi nasasaktan din ang taong nanloloko o nananakit. Nasa laki lang yan ng porsyentong binigay mo. Kaya kung sino ang mas nasasaktan nakadepende yun kung gaano ka nya minahal o pinahalagahan.

After a month i think he became cold to me. He didn't usually text me or chat me in facebook. I'm suddenly disturb about that. I can't focus. I am asking myself what's wrong? Then i confronted him. He told me that i should give him assurance to prove myself for him to continue. I don't know what to think that time. I know what his referring. It was sex.

And realization strike me like a lightning with thunder. I thought he's different from the other man. But he's not man enough. I felt my world crashed because i can't give myself for him. Boys always boys. No matter what. Even though they love a girl so much they have needs. They will cheat on you if you can't satisfy his need. That's true. Especially when he's older than you. So be wise.

I knew his cheating on me even though were not official. I'm so fucking hurt! I accepted it coz i loved him that time. But loving someone makes your heart broke too especially when someone can't love you the way you did. But it is greater when he used to love you but it fades.

I am so damn devastated that time. I cutted all our communication and decided to move on. I thought it was the greatest feeling i could ever had. But it's not.

I met Jake. He's good looking. Tall with a hunk body and brown skin. He has a pointed nose and small dimple on the cheek that you can see when he smile. Layered hair not long enough but it suits him. He loves band. He use to play music specially guitar he could also play piano and saxophone. Typical rock. And not just that. He is also a president of students organization in the school where he attended and an outstanding pupil. An achiever.

He is the reason why i easily forget that jerk who used to court me. After a month of seeing each other. Jake and I hang out often with our friends. Because my classmate Robyn and his friend Jude are couple so we met. They went to our school for visit. Were quietly close. We text each other often. I don't know what the real score between us but i felt romantically attached although we didn't talk about it. I don't want to assume and spoiled the moments that were together so i just keep that in mind and let it unsaid but just go with the flow and enjoy. And one day i realized that i already fall for him.

He didn't say anything towards us even though we saw each other together. For me it's a date though. We eat together. Go out together holding hands, kissed and text with sweet conversation. For me it's mutual understanding. I even ask him what's between us coz our friends notice our closeness and asking me what's going on. He said that it's up to me. So i decided that we have something unlabeled. I really enjoyed his company. I'm inlove i knew it.

After 2months the same old story repeat again. He stop texting me and i don't know why. I'm bothered. I tried to call him and text him but he didn't reply. I tried to talk to our friends but they said they didn't know anything. Im so frustrated that last for a month. I always cry. And my friends keep on advicing me to move on. And forget about what happened. I'd tried. I fucking tried but as the days passed i feel like die-ing. I loved Jake so much. Hindi ko alam kung anong ginawa kong mali para iwanan nya ako sa ere ng ganun lang. Halos mabaliw ako kakaisip ng dahilan. Kahit ano na lang. Kahit hindi valid basta meron. Di ko alam kung anong mas masakit. Yung iwanan kahit hindi worth it ang dahilan o yun maiwan ng walang dahilan.

After a month i heard a news that she had a girlfriend for 8 months since then. And the time that were together nagkakalabuan sila nung babae. So all this time ginamit nya lang ako to fill the damn hole on his heart. I felt betrayed. Robyn knows it but she told me that she wasn't on the right place to interfer but her conscience increases everytime she see me in pain so she confessed everything she knows. I cried again. Over and over again. It lasts for a years until now. But i had moved on. Im okay now.

May mga bagay talaga na kailangan ng bitawan para di ka na lalong masaktan. Masakit man sa umpisa pero kwento na lang ito ngayon. I could say that i grew up. And pain gives me lesson.

Natapos ang kanta. The story end. And my world seems to crash when kuya Nel spoke.

"Grabe! Ang ganda nung Gabrielle. I like her pero girlfriend na ata ni James. Lucky bastard." Sabi nito sabay iling at tawa. Then my eyes widened when he show us Gaby's status. He stalk her in Facebook.

Gabrielle Cojuangco At the moment ♡ - feeling happy with - James Rhyien Cruise (insert picture of them together while Gaby is embracing him at his waste.)

Iniwas ko ang mga mata ko sa picture at nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Arvin. He was looking at me. Kinuha ko ang shots ng alak at pinuno ang tagayan. Iinomin ko na sana but Arvin stop me and hold my wrist.

"Stop it." He said while his eyes peircing on me. I don't know what's the meaning of what he said 'stop it' to me and this feeling? Or in this liquor that i supposed to drink.