Yeah, so I've had this problem for a while.
When I was around five years old, I'd hear these strange voices at night. They were enough to give me nightmares, and make me feel like my bones were useless and my muscles were atrophied.
I told my mom about it, and she just gave me this strange story and said, "It's normal for you to hear these things, Bokuto, it runs in the family. It's just ghosts."
"Just ghosts" mom said. "They won't harm you or anything".
A few years later, the hearing thing turned into seeing, and when I peeked out my window at dusk i could barely see these translucent beings floating around, circling eerily through the dying city.
Now, this has never been that much of an issue. I didn't tell anyone about it, not even Akaashi.
But he found out anyway.
Okay, so imagine yourself just sitting on your bed, checking your phone, when you look out of the corner of your eye and you see Akaashi standing next to you, kind of just staring at you, and you jump, because he was supposed to be on vacation, and wowza that golden shimmery look is good on him.
Now, let me just say that's exactly what happened to me. Akaashi then jumped back also and looked almost scared. "You-- you can see me?"
"...I thought you were taking a road trip?" I frown, and my mind slowly processes the situation, not wanting to believe it.
But then I do. I do, and I slowly sink down to the floor, because that's the only thing I can do.
"You can see ghosts?"
Oh god, even his voice sounds translucent, like it's passing through my mind and barely being heard.
He looks so delicate like this-- standing there and basically shimmering, with the faded eyes of death looking down on me and then at the floor. "My mom kind of... crashed into a tree on the way there? She survived, and she was going to tell you about my...yeah--"
He sounds so casual, like this is any awkward situation. Tears started to fall down my face, and Akaashi walked closer, coming to give me a hug or pick me back up.
But he can't pick me up and fix me again anymore. His hands slip right through mine. He's not on this earth anymore. He won't ever cuddle again, or hug me, or do any of the shit he deserves, because he's dead.
Little golden tears are falling to the ground now. I look up and feel my heart be torn in two. He even looks beautiful like this, crying and a mess.
--
"Bokuto-san?"
It's been a week since my accident, and Bokuto's been helping me. Ghosts aren't really like they are in the movies, and he's been teaching How To Be A Ghost 101.
I move slowly around his house, still not used to it being completely silent as I walk, instead of the creaking of floorboards. Empty. Dark. Why though?
It's so eerie here while he's gone. Maybe he just went to the store?
I go over to his bedroom next, and feel a sudden rush of anxiety when I see a little note.
Luckily he remembers I can't open anything, I think as I peer down at it.
Akaashi, are you still there?
I'm sorry that I'm so weak to do this, but I really needed to see you again.
And I mean for real. I need to touch you, and hug you, and love you, and I don't care if I have to die to do it.
-Kou
Those fifty words right on that page were enough to make me scream for the first time since I died.
"Stupid, so stupid," I growled to himself, and those stinging tears came again. "He doesn't know that suicides don't get a second chance."
