Keiji,
Please don't think like that! You could turn your life around.
I know you've taught yourself to be content with anything life throws at you, but you deserve so much better than to die that way.
I'm really sorry to hear about Kenma. I didn't know you still talked with him.
And yes, I still see Kuroo. Not as much because he moved to America, but we still email and Skype. He got a pretty cool job there apparently, but I spaced out when he started talking about it. He was the only friend I had left in my life, I didn't know how to react.
So yeah, I live alone in this stupid apartment I can hardly pay for.
It would make all this loneliness, all this doubt and sadness worth it if I could just see you and talk to you again.
I don't care if you've changed, or if you don't want me anymore.
Also, I know it's not encouraging at all to say that everything will be fine. It just doesn't work. So I won't say it.
Just know that my mind is a terrible place too, and that's okay.
-Kou
---
Kou,
Thanks for your concern on Kenma. He really missed you. He never trusted me enough to tell me what it was about; I wish you were there to talk to him.
I tried talking him out of it, but I couldn't really convince him out of something I was planning on doing also.
It's nice to hear about Kuroo. I hope he's happy with himself.
I guess we should probably talk about all this shit in real life too. Everyone is suddenly reappearing in my life-- Tsukki was a customer at my shitty job so we ended uo talking and he insisted on coming to my place to make me get my shit together.
Please don't cone to my house. I'll go and see you, I promise.
---
Bokuto was still looking down at the letter, six days later.
Is he okay? He didn't even sign it.
He kept reading, over and over. Kenma was dead. Kenma-- the precious small setter from Nekoma he barely got to talk to was dead.
Things were flashing through his mind-- he kept remembering times that Kenma went to him and just him for hugs because he was the best at it, and times when the inseperable four woke up to Kenma making pancakes, and the times when Kuroo, Akaashi, Kenma and him would suddenly realize that they were changing.
Before he could even bring himself to cry, a knock was heard at his door.
Bokuto almost didn't want to get up. His head was spinning, and he missed his friends.
But he did get up. Slowly, slowly, he did.
The door swung open, and a man was standing there. A man with bags under his eyes and messy dark hair and shaking hands, but he was beautiful.
"Kou." There was a deep scar on the side of his cheek that moved when a sad smile spread across his face, and pale eyes were searching Bokuto's in such a way his heart was beating like a wreck. Even if he didn't see those pretty eyes, his voice was such a giveaway, especially when he said, "Bokuto-san."
"Akaashi?" Bokuto croaked out, and the younger man let out a sob before pulling him into such a strong hug it knocked the wind out of him. Still, Akaashi looked so skinny and sad and when he heard the strangled sobbing coming from him, it didn't take long for the tears that Bokuto had been holding in for so long to finally pour down his face. "Keiji! Keiji, oh my god."
"I finally have you again," Akaashi sighed, but the little sobs turned into flat out ugly crying-- Bokuto's neighbors were going to complain any second. "I wish-- I wish Kenma was here."
Bokuto just held him tighter, never wanting to let go.
He was never going to make that mistake again.
"Yeah. I miss him too."
---
lmao sorry this was bad
