((here guys have some trash i wrote at two am or smthing))
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kou,
you've been so down since the last time i saw you. what was it? stress? sadness? i wish you wouldve talked to me about it. i would try my best to make you feel better.
even though i've always been such a useless bystander. all i can do now is write a letter. pathetic, right?
i know this doesnt do anything, but it would cheer me up on any bad day. so im giving you reasons.
reasons why i love you.
1) your smile. your precious, adorable smile that lights everyone up inside when they see you. i wish i could see more of that smile.
2) your eyes have always been one of my favorite colors-- a bold, regal looking gold that outshines the sun, right? i hated seeing those eyes dull and depressed.
3) your arms, but that one's obvious.
4) your voice-- you've always been so loud and silly, ever since we were in high school. can you believe we've been there for each other six years? it feels like longer.
5) your hugs were to die for,
6) your touch was so gentle,
7) your breathing soothed me,
8) i love you with all my heart, and always will.
reasons why im angry:
1) i miss you,
2) i love you,
3) you didnt bother trying to talk to me before jumping off that building,
4) you didn't say goodbye,
5) i go to bed crying every night because i know im stupid, i know i probably wouldn't have been able to help you, but i wanted to try.
today's your birthday, too. the whole world is mourning your death-- clouds are gray, grass is dying. i feel like im dying too.
i don't even know why im writing this-- it'll end up as another useless paper in the recycling --but kuroo wants me to "write out my feelings". he's worried about me.
but im not, i never really cared about myself. all i want to do is talk to you, at least one more time.
i miss your kisses, your bear hugs, your funny little puns, your love. i miss you so much it hurts; i feel my ribs and spine ripping apart at the mention of your name.
bokuto kotarou. see? it even hurts to write it.
this is making no sense, i should stop before i regret all this more than i already do.
goodnight, kou.
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Akaashi didn't even read over his work before letting out a tiny sigh and tossing the letter in the trash.
