moan ♡ d.l [#wattys2016]

twenty-five

i held harley's hand tightly as she cried of her stomach ache. she started to slightly shake on our way so i sped up and got here like in five minutes.

i whispered things like everything is gonna be alright and kissed her forehead all the time. "mommy it hurts so much" she held her stomach in bad pain.

"we'll just listen what the doctor has to say and then it won't hurt anymore" i tightened my grip for a second and then let it soften.

"jovana? the mother of harley?" a doctor asked.

i stood up fastly and nodded my head. "has harley ever complained about stomach aches before" the doctor asked.

"yes, but not this much. i heard her father say she cries when her stomach hurts, but when she's with me she has these little stomach pains" i told him.

"well it makes sence, because harley has cancer" he said.

i knew i was going to fall any minute. i felt like i was going pale and vomiting soon. i felt like i was gonna cry my eyes out. i felt like all the happiness and life was being sucked out of me.

i felt like i was gonna blackout and i did. i blacked out and i'm not proud.

i woke up in a hospital room and sat up very quickly. i saw that harley was sleeping so i stood up. i slid the curtain's just to see is it night, and it was. i sighed and walked over to harley.

tears welled up my eyes seeing my own daughter with all the cabel's inside her skin giving her medicine and stuff. i sniffled as my tears rolled down my cheeks. i am scared.

i am very scared, i admit. i've never experienced cancer nor had a person close who had it and i don't know what to do. my mother always used to say that please don't be a young mother, motherhood is very hard.

but i still turned my back against her and didn't listen to her. as i have told you, i'm a big mistaker. i don't know what to do anymore.

what if she's not gonna make it? what if she doesn't forgive me when i left? what if? i don't even know what to do. should i tell someone.

i took a deep breath and walked inside the bathroom. i washed my face with water and dried my hands and face with a white towel. i sighed and dialed jay's number.

it ringed a couple of time before he answered, well i thought he. "jovana right? i'm not sure, i'm jay's fiancé"

"yeah i'm jovana. is jay there?" i asked and sniffled.

"yeah, i'll wake him up" i heard shuffling noises.

"you don-"

"jovana? are you okay and why are you crying?" shit she must've heard me sniffling.

"no" my voice cracked as tears dropped my face like a waterfall.

"hey, is it a heart break?" i heard jay's fiancé ask.

"h-harley" i cried harder at the thought. i heard muffled curse words come out from jay's mouth.

"where are you?"

"jay, come in the morn-"

"i can't sleep anymore. where are you?" he asked as the phone shuffled every now and then.

"at the hospital" i whispered, i couldn't get more volume out my mouth.

the phone apparantly dropped on the floor, it was that kind of noice. "jovana, jay is coming to the hospital right now" his fiancé said.

"o-okay" i stuttered and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"what happened?" she asked.

"i... i don't know" i cried again and harder this time. "i'm a horrible mother, i left her for two years where she needed both of her parents and now i regret" i had a terrible time speaking. my throat hurted so bad and i couldn't anymore.

"okay jovana, breathe. breathe please" she tried calming me down.

"she has cancer" i whispered again and cried more.

after a long converstation with jay's fiancé- amira- jay came in the room. i exited the bathroom and jay rushed to hug me. i finished crying, but i had to cry again and this time, with jay.

"what happened?" he asked, kissing my head.

"she has cancer" i spoke. it felt like everytime i said that, million bullets hit me. bullets of regret and hurt.

"wha-" he cried harder as he cut off his speech. he hugged me tighter and he cried. i started sobbing and he tried to calm me down.

"m-mommy?" harley's weak voice broke us apart.

"baby, go back to sleep" i kissed her forehead.

"hey daddy" she smiled weakily.

jay bent down and kissed her hand. she started giggling when he kissed her forehead. jay held her hand and tightened his grip gently. his eyes started to get teary again so i touched his hand.

he let go and started taking his leather jacket off. "what are you doing?" i asked him, not wanting to be rude, but i didn't want him to stay here and tire himself.

"i'm parenting with you" he said placing his leather jacket on the hanger where my jacket was.

"okay" i smiled. "you can sleep, i really am not tired" i said and sat on the couch next to harley's bed as she was playing with a hospital teddy bear.

"i'm not gonna sleep, i'm just gonna lay here" he said and made himself comfortable on the other hospital bed that was infront of hers.

the lights were dimmed so it wasn't that bright for anyone. "yes you aren't going to sleep" hint the sarcasm.

"jay, thank you for be-" i heard his snores. he is a heavy sleeper, like i remember.

"you'll stay awake my ass" i whispered and made myself comfortable on the couch. i kissed harley's hand and placed it back to her teddy.

"mommy loves you always and always has" i whispered to her. "good night baby"

i closed my eyes and slowly diverted to a deep sleep.

yes, that just happened.

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-aalyah