KRISTA
All I did was stare, not out the window not at a painting or anything meaningful like that I simply stared at the wall.
My plain white wall which holds no meaning or answers. It held nothing whatsoever.
What was I thinking? Nothing in fact my mind was blank. Of all the questions I could ask of all the things that could or would be running through my mind it was nothing. As for what I was feeling at the moment it was nothing. Well more like hollow is that even a feeling?
-----
Earlier
It was a slow day at work so they allowed me to leave early. I had an exam to study for, so it gave me more time. Especially since my mind has been busy trying to make a decision.
Tossing my backpack on the couch I headed into to the kitchen to grab something to drink.
Exactly as I opened the fridge there was a knock at my door.
"I wonder who that is" I said to myself.
Another knock was heard "Going!" I yelled grabbing a water and closing the fridge.
'knock knock'
"Jesus Christ I said I'm GOI-ng" the word suddenly dying out as soon as I opened the door.
"Hey"
"Hi"
"uh can I come in?" She asked.
"yeah no come in" like I would actually tell her no.
Shutting the door I turned around to just see her standing there with her back towards me.
"So whats up is everything okay?"
I was walking to her when she turned to face me.
"I wanted to talk.."
"okay that's fine uh did you want to sit down?"
" no its fine I wont be long" She said looking away.
"okay did you want something water maybe?" I said holding out my bottle.
"That water?" she said giving me a questioning look.
"what?'' I looked at my hand "oh no" I said pulling my water back to me.
"a new one.. from the fridge.. that's not open"
God I sounded so stupid right now.
"No I'm okay" a small smile made its way to her face.
"okay then so whats up?"
"About what I said that night outside the club I-" "No you don't have to say anything I should apologize I was out of place." Even tough that slut was practically devouring her.
"its okay... anyways look honestly I want you in my life I don't want to lose you."
My heart was beating so hard I thought it would burst did she forgive me? was she finally going to let me be with her again.
Hope that's the word I would use to describe how I am feeling at this moment. Hope that I could be with the one person I love. Hope that I could be feel happiness once again knowing that I could have her. I missed holding her kissing her laughing with her arguing with her I missed everything about her but most of all I missed her just her.
"I don't want to lose you either and I'm so sorry I hurt you" I said walking up to her lifting my hands to hold her face "I swear I wont ever hurt you like that again if yo-."
"I think we should just be friends." She said cutting me off.
As soon as the words left her lips my hands fell as I backed away from her tears now threatening to spill from my eyes.
Despair; the complete loss or absence of hope. Despair the one word that fits perfectly with how I feel.
Despair that I would never again call her mine. Never being the reason for her happiness never being able be the first and last person she sees every day. Never being able to tell her I love her. Despair.
"Im sorry Krista." she said taking a step towards me only for me to take a step back.
"I should go.."
I stood there too stunned to even give a simple reply.
Once I heard the sound of my front door close I slowly walked towards my sofa not even bothering to sit on it I let myself fall in front of it as the tears came rushing out.
Pouring out they came one after another for how long I'm not sure. All I knows that eventually they stopped which led to the position I am in now.
Staring at nothing but the plain blank wall in front of me as if it held all the answers I needed when in fact it held nothing.
The sound of my phone is what broke me out of my trance.
without bothering to look to see who was calling I answered it.
"Hello" I said my voice coming out hoarse.
"Are you okay?" Am I okay? I didn't know if I could answer that question myself I know I don't feel okay but was I okay?
"Krista hey are you there?" I felt my throat dry up as the tears began getting ready to spill once again.
"Is everything okay? talk to me" everything was okay I just wasn't okay I couldn't find the words to explain anything. So I said the only thing I could manage to say.
"I don't know"
______________
JAMIEE
Why did it hurt more? When did it become this painful?
I laid outside with a bottle of alcohol beside me staring up at the night sky.
How I got home, I wasn't too sure, I remember being at another party.
I stared at the moon, it was full today.
Reaching my hand up I blocked it out. Closing it into a fist, slowly I began to turn it to face me.
Who knows what I was expecting maybe it was because of all the alcohol in my system. All I knew was when I opened my fist I felt disappointed?
I didn't exactly know.
My eyes began to sting as tears began to fall.
I wanted it, I wanted it to be mine. Bringing my hand back down I held on to myself as turned on my side and curled up and cried harder.
Bursting my eyes wide open, I quickly turned over and spilled out everything from the night before.
Closing my hand I brought it up to see grass.
"The hell?"
Looking around I realized "I slept outside"
Turning back over I looked to see the sun just beginning to rise.
No trace of the moon, shutting my eyes again I was about to drift off to sleep again.
Water began to fall all over, exhaling I turned on my back and just laid there with my eyes closed as the automated sprinklers watered the grass and me.
"What in havens name are you doing?"
"Isn't it obvious,Jess? I'm trying to be like the grass and grow."
"In that case I'll get the Miracle Grow, you're going to need all the help you can get."
Pain filled my head as I laughed.
------------------------------
A\N (M read this)
So here's the thing guys I have no clue how to end this so I will leave it up to one person M I've been a jerk, I know
But if you don't answer then these wonderful readers don't get an update so we wait.
