Leave A Scar

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Chapter 18 – Leave A Scar

I awoke to an irritating beeping sound. I could feel someone holding my hand tightly and heard soft mutterings of “Please wake up. Please wake up…please… I love you…please…”

I opened my eyes groggily. Marilyn was sitting beside me, holding my hand, head bent as if in prayer. I swallowed, “I love you too…but if you squeeze any tighter I’m going to lose that hand…” Marilyn’s head shot up, looking at me in disbelief. “Hey.” I managed a smile though the side of my head hurt.

Marilyn was silent. It looked like he didn’t know whether to hug me or be mad at me…I couldn’t say I blamed him. I told him to stay out of it…and I ended up with a head wound that that landed me, unconscious, in hospital.

“Hey, you’re awake.” I turned towards the door to see Twiggy and my sisters.

“So it would seem…you two okay?” I asked, looking worriedly over my sisters. They nodded as I tried to sit up.

Marilyn put a hand on my shoulder, attempting to make me lay down again. “Easy there…”

“I’m fine.” I muttered unconvincingly. I’d had worse, and my sisters knew it. “How long was I out this time Ash?”

“About a week…” she replied, eyes darting from me to Marilyn.

I smiled a little. “See…” I winced slightly. “Not nearly as bad.”

“He’s done this before then.” I could hear the anger in Marilyn’s voice and I cringed, feeling myself shutting down again…just as I did whenever dad was angry.

“Oi! Don’t you go getting mad at her!” Ash pointed accusingly at Marilyn. “It’s not her fault!”

“Ash, it is a little bit my fault…” I grimaced.

“No! You’re not responsible for his drinking or his beating you senseless.” Ash fumed at us both now. “She told you to keep out of it because she’d rather she got hurt than you!” she paused, regarding us both carefully. “And, while I’m sure you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself…this is her fight if she wants it that way.”

“So you wouldn’t try and get between them then?” Marilyn glared at my sisters.

“They did…” I snapped. “And he nearly killed them. So I told them to just let me take it from then on. People can do what they want to me…but I’ll be damned if I let anyone hurt my mother or sisters!” I closed my eyes, my hand pressed against the throbbing pain in my head. I could feel myself crumbling. “I just don’t want anyone I care about that much getting hurt because of some idiot.”

“Speaking of idiots…” Jess finally spoke. “Dad’s here…he wants to see you, Shan.”

“Why is he here?” Marilyn growled, standing, my hand still in his. “Why is he even allowed in the building?!”

“I’d presume a ‘next of kin’ thing.” Twiggy shrugged. “Do you want to see him Shan?”

“He looks a mess, Shan…” Ash pulled a face. “Are you going to hear another one of his apologies?”

I sighed heavily. “He didn’t mean to…” I muttered mostly to myself.

“In your head he never means to do it.” Jess came a stood on the other side of the bed from Marilyn. She looked at me sadly. “Do you want to see dad?”

“Maybe…just to tell him to leave America…and stay the fuck out of our lives from now on.” I glared across the room.

“You guys still care about him.” Twiggy’s eyes widened in disbelief. “How?!”

“He’s our dad…the only one we’ve got.” Ash replied bluntly.

“How on Earth can you defend him after what he’s done?!” Marilyn yelled as he looked from Ash to Jess to me.

“Because he’s family!” I shouted up at him, my head feeling like it was going to explode. He, reluctantly, shut-up. “First things first…can I see a doctor please?”

I watched, amazed, as everyone ran to find me a doctor.

***

I fumed all the way home. I was glad the pain in my head had finally ebbed, but I refused to be lectured on how I felt about my father. He was my dad. The drinking and violent acts hadn’t started until my teens…before that he’d been the best father ever…and I would always love him for that. I hadn’t realised just how much my getting hurt would affect Marilyn…I did now, and I would endeavour to keep out of harm’s way from now on…but I’d be damned if I was going to be lectured on how I should feel about my own family.

I pulled up in my garage at home, shutting the garage door behind me. The girls sat in the back quietly…they were waiting for me to cry. It always happened. The adrenaline and shock would wear off and I’d be completely drained…and I would just cry, broken and anguished.

I leant my head back against the car seat. “You girls head inside…I’ll be a minute or two…then we’ll make tacos, alright?” I looked over my shoulder at them and smiled. “The doors just there…just give me a minute to calm down.”

They nodded and slowly made their way inside. I sighed. ‘Well…you’ve had your first fight as a couple…’  I remembered something Marilyn had said and snarled, punching the steering wheel. The horn tooted at me and I let my head fall into my hands. ‘C’mon Shan…go inside and make sure the girls are okay…c’mon…’

I would not cry today. I would take care of my beloved sisters. I would be strong…until nightfall perhaps…

***

“Shan, why don’t you just let him in?” Ash finally asked as Marilyn called out to me from the other side of my locked front door.

I knew what she’d said had a double meaning, and I sighed. “I don’t know…I’m angry…and scared…does that answer both your questions?” agave her a small smile and she smiled back. “Okay, when you hear my bedroom door shut…then let him in.” she nodded and I trudged sadly up the stairs. I could feel the tears already welling in my eyes, blurring my vision and making me stumble on the top step.

I never made it to my room. I leant back against the wall opposite my door, sliding to the floor in a crying, broken heap…perhaps I wasn’t as strong as I thought.

I heard the front door bang open and Marilyn asked desperately where I was. Through my sobs I managed to call out to him. I was still cross with him…but I needed him now more than ever. I let my face fall in my hands as I heard him bound up the stairs.

“Oh…Shan…” I heard the pain in his voice. He sat beside me on the floor and pulled me into his warm, strong arms, rocking me gently.

“I’m sorry…” I managed to say as I cried into his shoulder.

“We both said things we shouldn’t have…” he kissed my hair. “Truce?”

I nodded as he hugged me tighter, thankful that this particular terrifying experience was over.

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This one was a little hard to write coz some events are real...

Anyway, do tell me what you think

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