Catching Fire: The New Story

Peeta is going Crazy

Katniss's POV

*

All the voices are screaming. Everyone around me is calm as if the screaming isn't bothering them. But it isn't bothering them. I can only hear them. Prim, Peeta, Rue, Gale, Posy, Rory, Vick. Everyone I love, even my father, is screaming for me. The voices get louder and louder in my head, but I can't act out now. No, not now, not in front of everyone. Not in front of the cameras. The voices echo in my head, leaving me sweating with fear and anxiety. They all combine into one horrifying screech as I leave the ballroom. People call for me, question where I am going, if I'm alright.

No, I'm not alright. I won't ever be.

I break into a run once I am set free from the crowd. I throw my shoes off, pull up the skirt of my dress and run. I go down dozens of halls following the voices in my head as they grow louder when I get closer and softer as I get farther. I try my best to reach them, but the closer I get the more they beg and plea. 

I know he has them, I know he is hurting them. I want to see him, see what he is going to do the people I love. Then I want to rip his face off.

But I feel it in my chest. An explosion. Hurt, pain, sparks, fires. Then it's pointless to run. I am no use in saving them now, nothing it. I won't be able to reach them in time because it's too late. Even if I put in all my hope, it will be too late. I do reach them.

They're all dead when I find them.

-

I wake up wrapped in sheets of sweat. The only noise in my dark room is my heavy breathing from the nightmare. I am as out of breath as if I was truly running. I suddenly feel an emptiness in me, my hands roam the sheets looking for him. I don't find Peeta, the darkness isn't helping. But once my eyes adjust to the little light coming in from the window, I see Peeta's outline. He sits at the edge of the bed, jittery and afraid. He mumbles things I don't catch, he taps his fingers to himself. He hasn't noticed me awake.

"Peeta?" I whisper carefully. He jumps to his feet in alarm. He rubs his hands on his thighs as if he were caught wrongdoing. 

"Yes?"

"Nothing," I say softly, shaking my head. "Go back to bed. I'm sorry for scaring you."

"No," he states. His voice is filled with fear and persistence. "No, then you'll leave."

"What?"

He takes a step back, putting his hands in front of him for protection. "No, please!"

"Peeta, do think I'll get hurt?"

"Yes! Please! Don't!"

"Peeta, I'm fine. I'll be fine, just go to sleep."

"No! This is just another nightmare. And- and you'll be gone! I- I can't do this anymore!" He is rambling and shouting. I scramble out of bed throwing the sheets away from me. I try to reach out to him, but I've never been at comforting. Peeta only steps away from me into the corner of the room, I can see his tears in the moonlight. Seeing him cry brings tears to my own eyes, but what also hurts me is how afraid he looks. Something took over the sweet, caring boy I know he truly is. The light that once shone in his eyes is now burnt out, the light blues now shades darker. It frightens me.

I whisper low, to try and calm him. "Please, Peeta. I'm fine, I promise. I'm right here and I won't leave you. Come here, please."

I see my outstretched hand shaking. I stare at his eyes that try to ignore mine. I slowly make my way toward him, waiting for him to keep my stare and take my hand. I see him eye my tremor and I think he finally believes that this is real. His hand engulfs mine, but he holds on so tight. I tug on him slowly to the bed and we both sit on the edge in front of the moonlight. The hand not holding mine comes up to my face. His fingers go over my cheek, lips, nose. Peeta puts his fingertip at the end of my lashes which makes me blink my eyes shut, but his touch is only ever gentle and soft. His fingers travel down my neck and shoulder, my arm and hand. His hand goes to the curve to my waist and I jump a little. I shove my fear and insecurities away and I let him run his soft fingers over the skin of my thigh. He stares at me with innocent eyes. To make sure I was real? To see if I would really stay? I'm not sure, but I try to reassure him by hugging him. He instantly wraps his arms around me and I lose my breath. I soon compose myself after all of his warmth makes me shiver and I sigh into his neck. 

But as relieved as I am I can only worry about his well being.

This whole time I have been worrying about myself; I never once thought of how Peeta was doing. I have never thought of how the games affected Peeta or if he is alright. Has ignoring him put weight on his shoulders that he can't hold up? 

"Peeta?" I ask. He lets me go and stared straight into my eyes. He keeps his hands on my arms, never allowing me access to leave his side - or his sight - in fear of losing me. His eyes have returned to its natural light blue color, but they seem dull and tired. It makes me relieved but all the more worried. "Do you have the same - " I stop because I have never spoken about my nightmares before. "Do you have the same nightmares as me?"

He looks confused for a moment but he soon understands what I mean. He gives me a small nod and I can't help but bring him into my arms again. Something about his innocence reminds me of Prim after her nightmares and it makes me want to close him off from the rest of the world and let it just be us two. 

I realize this is going to be our lives forever. We have to care about each other because there is no one else to trust. I am going to marry him someday and we are going to be together until we're old because the Capitol is making us. I only wish I could do something to make these hard situations better.

I can't help the getting married part, there is nothing to be done about that. It's going to happen, whether we want it or not. I just have to understand that this is the best it's going to be, especially for Peeta. He is already in love with me, and I'll have to admit that I do care about him a lot more than I did before. All I can do is be there for him because we're lucky. No one else who survived the games can say they have someone who clearly understands their pain but us. The nightmares can only harm us so much with each other by our side.

And they won't ever go away. They will stay with us until our memory has faded by old age. It will haunt us until we can no longer endure it. We might move on to alcohol or morphing to reunite us with better things, brighter feelings, happier thoughts. They will be a burden on us forever. They will keep us from sleep until we need liquor or sleeping pills to put us down. Our nightmares wil continue on, newer, more frightening than before. They will show us the same dead people, the same places we suffered in, different situations where we lost something, and the same conclusion in the end. Our nightmares will drive us to some point of crazy where we will want to kill ourselves and beg for mercy by death. And thay mercy will never come to our aid because once you enter the Hunger Games and survive, it will be like you never left.

•

I hate stupid little filler chapters I made before. And I feel weird and wrong deleting them because I probably had an intention with these three years ago. But, I just hope you enjoy it now.

Keep reading guys!

~Jez xo