I wasn't shaking because I was afraid
Though I was a bit frightened
I was shaking because I was trying
With everything in me
Not to shatter.
Not in front of him
But I already had.
Gasping for air
I tried not to sob
I couldn't shatter
Not in front of him
But moments played backwards in my head
Sad moments made me crack
But it was happy moments that broke me
My lip trembled,
I tried so hard
Not to let him see
But squeezing his two fingers
Tighter than...
Possible for me
Woke him
The tears hadn't even fallen
But my brows were furrowed
Bottom lip quivering
That was when I failed
He saw me shatter
"I'm here" He repeated
"I'm right here
And I always will be."
I buried my face
Deep in his chest
But he brought me back
Trying to collect my broken pieces
But I couldn't talk
I continued gasping
As he wrapped his arms tighter around me
And I trembled,
Questioning if this would stop
"Breathe," he told me
"Breathe"
I slowed my breath, and the shaking slowed,
I opened my eyes to look at him
Worry was sketched into his face
"What's wrong?"
My face tried to burrow back to his chest
But he stopped it
Wiping the tears from my face.
It was no use,
They just kept coming.
He requested I open my eyes
And soon I was looking into a deep, foggy brown
A color I didn't want to see in his eyes
"What happened?"
I opened my mouth
But all that came out was a patchy breath
I almost said the source
A single word
Dad
It almost excaped my mouth
Instead I shattered in his arms
I let him see me break.
Moments later I did tell him the source,
And he asked me about it
But he got no answer
I tried saying his name,
Somehow he heard
Soon he lifted me, taking me to my room
Laying me on
The center of my bed
My eyes were covered
While he drew a blanket over me,
But he gently pulled my hands away fixing my hair.
"I love you." He told me
My voice came out in a wimper
But he understood,
And grabbed the animal
From the little red wagon
Handing it to me gently.
I squeezed it
Realizing I was shaking once more
Don't shatter again
He grabbed another animal
And tucked it behind my back
"I love you." He said again,
One hand in front of me on the bed
One hand laying on my side
"I love you too." I croaked
And moments after he kissed my forehead
He pushed himself up
He had to leave.
The trembling grew, as he kissed me once more
"Til next time." He wispered.
"Til next t-" my voice died.
He left the light on
And the door open,
Before stepping down the stairs he looked back at me
I had shattered before him,
And he was being strong for me
My eyes clenched shut, and I heard the stairs creek,
And the door scrape
Soft on the floor.
It shut quietly,
I didn't imagine that possible
Not in this house
I opened my eyes once more.
When the sound of a starting car startled me.
He was gone.
I cried and trembled my way to sleep
Waking up in a few short hours
Struggling to breathe
I laid awake for hours,
Doing everything to keep me from breaking once more
I wasn't shaking because I was afraid
My thoughts rang as I finally turned out the light and tried to close my door.
I was shaking because I was trying not to shatter.
Not in front of him.
