I always wonder what order it goes in
Were you nice
Were you understanding first
Did you grow into something
Broken
Only ready to break us too
Are you now understanding once more?
No.
You were never understanding
I was just young
Blinded by love
Unable to see you for what you really are
And did I really think you could change
After all you've done
To show me that you can't
Long before I knew
You accused her of hurting us
Of course when we had a wound it was always
"What did you do to them?"
You didn't want her to drive
Because you wanted control
As we grew
You made her feel so bad about herself
She was fat to you
A lazy cow
Among other words I hate so much
I loved you,
But I didn't see
Not until I heard the screaming
Arguments
Not until I saw the holes in the walls
Not until we went on long drives
And tears streamed from her eyes but she couldn't tell me why
Not until I knew what was going on
In the room next to mine
Banging on the door
Arguments
Yelling
And Thud
Thud
And they wonder why I hate that sound
Still I couldn't see
Until I saw tears falling from his eyes too
Still I could not see
Until I saw something that is not ment for the eyes of the young
Until we stopped listening to music together
Until I saw you throw something into the wall
Until I tasted the juice
Until I saw you moved to the other room
And slept there
Still I could not see
Until I realized it wasn't peaceful sleep
But you were passed out
Still I could not see
Until I watched your fist enter the wall
Until I watched you punch her
Watched you punch him
Watched you push her up against the metal door
Still I couldn't see
Until I hear the things you said about her
And I realized
When a controlling person
Looses control over you
They try to control
How others see you
Still I couldn't see
Until I realized how much it hurt me to really know
What was happening in my home
Still I pushed it away
And now you're gone
And I was hoping you could change
I tricked myself into thinking it wasn't you
It wasn't you
But I knew I was wrong when you treated her the same
I knew I was wrong
When you hardly ever call
I knew I was wrong
But then I thought
Maybe I was right
When you came to see me
In the blue dress
Threw the football with me
Like how you taught me so long ago
But I was wrong
Because you left before the moment came
And I got my hopes up
How could I have been so stupid
Still I wonder what order it goes in
And now I see
The cycle continues
There is no order
