Ashton's pov
before I had a chance to say anything Michael said "ash I just want to te-" "i don't wanna hear it Michael!, I just lost my best friend because i'm gay! and I can't handle more shit today okay?!" I shouted at Michael and cut him off "Ashton please just let me speak!" "no Michael! I don't want to live this life anymore! I never have wanted to! but I was getting better! but no! i'm back where I started because of you!" It was probably quite harsh what I had said, but it was honest, I could see Michael's eyes start to tear up, I was mad at him but I couldn't help but feel some sympathy for the guy, but right now I just want to be alone, "Ashton I am sorry!".
My eyes had just went wide after hearing that, did I just hear the biggest jock in the world apologize to me??, "what?" I said in shock "yes ash, you heard me. i'm sorry that I was so mean to you and all those comments I said, I didn't mean any of them. please forgive me!", I saw a tear fall out of the corner of Michael's eye and roll down his cheek, I just wanted to say it was all okay and hug him right now and there but I couldn't.
"no.." I muttered, the words I had just said hurt both Michael and I but it was the truth and lying wouldn't make this better "what??" Michael asked shocked, like he thought I would forgive him straight away and pretend it never happened. Tears ran down his cheeks and he was beginning to look broken, like looking into a mirror, "Ashton please I can't-" "no Michael..I can't..I..I can't do this right now" even though my voice happened to be calm even though I wanted to scream as loud as I could in his face, but I couldn't, I was too drained.
I wiped away the tears from my cheeks and went over to the door and unlocked it and walked out. I was almost running to my locker to get my things and just get out of this living hell!. I opened my locker and quickly grabbed all of my stuff "Ash where are you going??" I heard the familiar voice belonging to Luke say, I took a deep breath and closed my locker "somewhere far away from here" I said and turned my back to Luke and walked out of this shitty building.
The walk home seemed longer than usual. I felt the urge to release fresh tears but the last thing I want is strangers staring at me so I guess I'll just have to hold them in until I get home. it felt like hours of walking until I finally got home, I got my keys out of my bag and unlocked the door and walked in, once I had closed the door I let my tears fall down my face
Everybody hates you Ashton. Nobody loves you!
Fuck! no no no, the voices, they are back, the voices I had dread to hear again. I hadn't heard them since year 7, the voices that had destroyed me and they were back to break me again.
You should go back to punishing yourself Ashton.
"go away" I said to myself, "go away, go away, go away, GO AWAY" I screamed to myself while smacking my head
Ashton just realise that you aren't wanted!
Without knowing what I was doing next, I walked into my bathroom and put my hands on the sink, while staring at the mirror, looking at my disgusting face that was staring back at me. My breathing became heavier as I searched the cabinets above the sink for a razor blade, after looking through many boxes, I finally found the sharpest one I could find and pressed it against my wrist and dragged it across many times, the pain was unbearable when it sliced against my skin but I didn't care, in fact I just pressed the razor deeper into my skin, making blood run down my wrists and arms as I travelled a litter of cuts higher upon my skin.
Memories starting flooding through my mind. The year my dad left and my mum thinking I was the reason behind it. The year when I first started to get depressed. Just the feeling of not wanting to be alive and wanted to be alone all the time broke my heart to be reminded of all those emotions. But there wasn't much I could do with my life, I mean it was all just plain miserable. Seeing my mum being so sad just broke me. I never really did know why he did leave,I mean our family was so nice, we had everything that anyone could have wanted in a family but that didn't matter to him since he left.
I got pulled out of my thoughts when my arm started to hurt insanely, I had went deeper than I had planned.
That's right! one more!
I did as the voices told me and did one more, but not deep, yet I couldn't stop, I did it again and again until I couldn't feel anything at all, my arm had now became numb. The fact that the pain had now became pleasure made the tears run down faster, I was running out of breath and felt like I was going to pass out. I chucked the razor in the sink and broke down on the floor, all I was, was alone.
However I knew I had to sort out my torn apart arm before I bled to death, that thought started to appeal to me but I got up and bandaged my arm before I really did go too far. I decided to go downstairs of the empty house, it was almost always empty. Only the sounds of cars driving pass and birds chirping outside were the only sounds I could hear. I decided to go go in the kitchen and get some food into my body since I hadn't eaten all day, just as I was about to open the fridge I heard a knock at the door. weird.
I walked over to the door and tried to see who was outside but failed "who is it?" I asked but no response was given back, "anyone out there?" I asked but yet again no reply. I sighed and opened the door and to be greeted face to face with the devil himself, "Michael what are you doing here??" his eyes were red and puffy, which clearly showed that he had been crying "c-can I..c-come in?" he was shaking and I saw that his lip was bleeding, I may dislike him right now but I do feel sorry for him and also starting to get worried about him "sure you can.." I opened the door wider so that he could come in, once he had come in, I closed the door and faced him, "Michael your lip is bleeding" I said with concern in my voice "yeah I know, it was Calum..b-but enough about me!, Ashy I am so so so so so sorry! I didn't mean anything I said!, I am so sorry I hurt you!, can you ever forgive me?!" wait what? Calum did that?? I swear to god I am so furious at him! he knew I had feelings for Michael "to be honest..i don't know Michael..what you said really hurt a-and triggered me..I really don't know if I can" "i know I know and I am so sorry, please please just give me one last chance??" I gave out a sigh "Michael if I do give you a last chance you need to know that I do have feelings for you and there is nothing you me or anyone can say or do to change that, i'm sorry if you hate me for that but it is just the way things are" "i don't care, I don't care, all I want is your forgiveness and maybe, maybe we can be friends again? please? that is all I want". Okay ow, the word friends hurt me but I knew it is all we could ever be, Michael didn't have feelings for me and I just had to try and accept that, that is just how things are going to be.
"then..i guess..Michael I forgive you" I said while looking into his eyes "really?! oh my god, thank you Ashton!" Michael threw his arms around me and embraced me into a hug,, "but.." I said as I hugged him back, Michael let go of me and looked me in the eyes
"but what?"
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OKAY WELL FUCK , THIS TOOK LIKE AN HOUR TO WRITE. this chapter was done by kitty! and I shall do the next one asap, hope you enjoyed xoxo
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Tutor- Mashton
Fanfiction"How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not 7 digits of your phone number?" A story in which one shy school boy is failing math. Who gets a certain math tutor who happens to be the school's most popular jock. Who knew so much drams coul...
