The Intern

Chapter 33

I let him go.

I actually let him go.

Everything in my body had screamed for me to hold him down and beg him to stay, but instead I watched him walk away. Even now I couldn't be sure of how I'd managed to keep myself rooted in place, but I did. I let him leave me as nothing but an empty statue standing beside an unfamiliar fountain, ripped apart at the seams. It was a wonder I'd been able to move away from that spot after only a handful of minutes. At least I told myself it was only that long. It could have been longer. It could have been days since he left.

It wouldn't really matter. It couldn't possibly hurt any more than it already did.

I found myself standing outside the glass doors to our luxurious hotel, trying to wrap my mind around the possible ways I could have gotten there. I could recall staring at the fountain and screaming on the inside, or maybe it was the outside, but I couldn't remember anything past that. I must have walked in a daze, letting my body run on autopilot as my mind brought me back to where I needed to be. Even if it wasn't where I wanted to be. I wanted to be anywhere but here right now, but I lacked the funds and means necessary to get away.

So here I was.

I walked through the doors and fixed my stare on the golden elevator that seemed to be miles away. One quick ride up and I could bury myself in Armin's bed and forget that the rest of the world even existed. At least for one night. One night was all I would need to gather my thoughts and figure out a plan that would fix this fucked up mess I'd made. Of course, that wouldn't be without Armin's help. I would be counting on him to both talk me down and work out something to keep this from falling apart. Levi and I were hanging by a thread now, and one wrong move could snap the last tie we had.

As much as I hated to admit it, I knew I would have to take things slow. It was a fool's dream to imagine I'd be back in his bed tomorrow.

"Eren?"

Mikasa's worried voice easily carried over the small distance, but I tried to act as if I hadn't heard her at all. Not that ignoring her would keep her from following me, but I was willing to make the attempt if it meant I could go upstairs without talking to anyone else. I had endured enough talking for one night.

"Eren!" Mikasa's voice was sharp now, tinged with annoyance, "I know you can hear me, and I know which room you're in. Don't think you can just avoid me."

Technically I could, because she wouldn't be finding me in Levi's room.

I tried to ignore how much that stung and pressed the button for the elevator.

"Eren," Mikasa stood beside me and folded her arms, fixing me with a stern stare that I refused to meet. "What happened? You've been crying, haven't you?"

I flinched and rubbed angrily at my eyes, knowing they had already betrayed me. Of course she would see that I was crying. I was stupid to think she wouldn't notice, and even more of a fool to attempt speech.

"I'm fine." My voice cracked instantly.

"That's a load of bullshit. Who hurt you?" Mikasa held up her hand immediately after speaking and her eyes narrowed. "No, never mind. Don't answer that. I know exactly who hurt you. Where the fuck is that short ass dominatrix queen?"

"I don't know where he is," I admitted, my jaw tightening, "And even if I did, it wouldn't matter. None of this is his fault."

"Of course it's his fault," Mikasa snapped, "He made you cry. How the fuck is that not his fault?"

"I made him cry, too," I muttered, my voice cracking again, "I really fucked up this time, Mikasa. I really, really fucked up."

She fell silent for a moment, her eyes filling with a worried concern as she scanned my expression. Finally she took a deep breath and then spoke in a controlled voice, "Tell me what happened."