The Intern

Chapter 51

Why did I think I could do this?

Why did I think I could talk to him when I could barely manage to hold myself in place? It was already taking everything I had to keep my mind stable, and I wasn't even sure it was working at this point. I was torn between the sudden desire to meet the floor or bolt out the door, and I couldn't decide which would be better. Although right now I knew that neither was an option.

Not when I could see him sitting across the room.

He was in his throne, just as he had been on that first night when I saw him at The Wall. Only now there was no one chained at his feet. No moaning patrons filling the room, surrounding him as if he were their king. He was alone, and in the silence he looked just as broken as I was. His fist pressed against his forehead, his head bowed and his expression pained, sitting there as if he were frozen that way. Trapped in the same hell I knew. The same one I was still trying to escape.

Even when I could see no way out.

I moved forward, not even meaning to make a sound and knowing all the while that he would hear me anyway. And he did, almost instantly. As if he had been waiting for it all this time. His brow pushed together with annoyance and he pressed his forehead tight against his fist, but other than that he didn't move. He didn't even look up, not once. And for a moment, I was terrified. For a moment, I wanted to run.

For a moment, I wanted to stop entirely.

"I already told you that I want to be alone tonight. So why are you..." The words caught in his throat in the same instant that his eyes met mine, and all at once I knew. He had no idea it was me. He didn't know that I was the one who had come down the stairs. The one who had been standing in this room. He had been expecting Hanji or Petra, and now he looked just as nervous, just as terrified as I felt.

I had caught him off guard.

And for some strange reason, that put me at ease.

"Kid..." Levi breathed the word as if it was the only one he knew. The only one worth saying. And my heart ached at the sound.

"Levi..."

He looked away and shook his head, taking the time to breathe in and out before he shut his eyes and muttered the words. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't stay away."

It was a simple answer, but it was the truth. Even if it had taken me four days to realize it. I needed Levi in my life, and I refused to spend the rest of my days curled up in bed and mourning what I had. Because at this point I would take what I could get, no matter what that meant. Even if it was just friendship, it would still be something. He would still be in my life, and I was slowly beginning to realize that was all that mattered.

I needed him. In any way and every way that I could have him.

"How did you even..." Levi paused on the words and a short, humorless laugh finished the rest as he shook his head again. "Nevermind. I shouldn't even have to ask when I already know who let you in here."

And of course he knew. There was really no question about it, and it wasn't just because Hanji was probably the only one who could work me past the guards. She was also the only one willing to go against Levi if she actually thought it would help him in the end. And part of that actually worried me. Because as desperate as I was to get him back, I didn't want to ruin the friendship they had just because I refused to leave.

"Are you mad at her?"

"Mad at her?" Levi rolled his eyes and angled his head to the side, gazing at me for the briefest of moments before looking away once more. As if he couldn't stand the sight of me. "Why the hell would I be mad at her?"