The Intern

Chapter 32

What the fuck was I thinking?

That was the only thought running through my head as I pushed through the doors and out into the lobby. As I searched the space I realized that some hopeful part of me actually expected to find Levi still standing there, but he was already gone. Not that it really mattered. I'd already come out of that elevator with the plan to run blindly through the streets in search of him. Even if it took me all night, I was going to find him. And when I did, I was ready and willing to get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness. Not that I deserved it. Not when I'd been such an...

"Asshole!"

I spun in the direction of the voice and came face to face with the murderous eyes of Isabel. Her expression was pure rage and one of the most intimidating I'd ever seen, which was strange coming from a pint-sized girl sporting pigtails. But despite her small size, I was suddenly very aware of how easily she could crush my nut sack into oblivion and how happy she would be to do so. Given the circumstances, I might have actually agreed to the punishment if I weren't so intent on finding Levi.

"Where is he?" I demanded.

She drew back in surprise and then her eyes narrowed. "Why the hell would I tell you that?"

"Because I'm his boyfriend," I spat, the word tasting weird on my tongue for the first time. Could I even call him that anymore?

"You were his boyfriend," she snapped, "But boyfriends don't do shit like that. You accused him and left him in the middle of the lobby when he was only trying to help you. You treated him as less than a friend, when he's supposed to be so much more than that."

"I fucked up!" I yelled, the anger rising in me like a hot flame. A few people stopped and stared at me as if I had just grown three heads, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Not when she'd just confirmed the one fear that was occupying my mind. I might have lost him after all.

"Yes, you did," she responded coolly, ignoring the people around us. "You hurt him, and he deserves better than that. He deserves someone who is going to trust him."

"I do trust him!" I snapped quickly, giving up on the effort of keeping my anger in check. I knew I had no hope of that right now. She was the only thing that was stopping me from leaving, and the only chance I had of finding him.

"No, you don't. Everything you just did proves that you don't."

"But I do," I insisted through gritted teeth. "I swear that I do. Just because I said one stupid thing doesn't mean I don't trust him. Haven't you ever said anything stupid?"

"It's wasn't one stupid thing," she shot back, ignoring my question. "You've said plenty of stupid shit that's hurt him, and don't think I don't know about it. Just because there's an ocean between us doesn't mean we don't talk every fucking day."

I felt a tremor run through my body as the blood in my veins went ice cold, the room seeming to fall away completely as my mind tried to process that little fact. I'd done this more than once and it was ridiculous that I needed someone to remind me of it. Every single time I'd seen pain on his face, pain that I put there, was a moment that had been carved agonizingly deep into my mind. I was scarred at this point, and yet somehow I kept forgetting.

"What other things?" I whispered. I wanted it to be a yell, but that was all I could manage. It was as if the entire room had been cleared of oxygen and I could no longer breathe. I'd hurt him more than once.

"Don't act stupid, Eren," she sighed, shaking her head. "You should know the shit you've said better than anyone else. You're acting like he's been planning to leave or betray you all this time. Do you think that doesn't hurt him? To know that you don't trust him?"