The Intern

Chapter 36

****** TRIGGER WARNING IN THIS CHAPTER! RIGHT HERE! IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS, READ THIS FIRST! *******

Okay, this chapter contains a few trigger warnings: physical abuse, emotional/mental abuse, and alcoholism. If this is a trigger for you, please do not read the chapter. I will be posting a TRIGGER FREE version later tonight, which is essentially everything that happens after the actual scene itself. Chapter 37 WILL explain what happened and you will be able to understand and follow the story even if you have to skip this chapter.
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I never thought he would kill me.

I didn't even think he would try. I'd spent my whole life idolizing this man, and the idea that he would ever cause me pain was something that had never crossed my mind. Until now. Now that I could see the murderous look in his eyes and know, without a single doubt, that it was meant for me. He wanted to hurt me for what I was and who I loved, and that knowledge caused me more agony than his hands ever could. Because without saying a word, I knew he was rejecting me. Hating me for something that I couldn't change, something that I didn't want to change.

And even though he didn't need to use his hands to break me, I knew he was going to try.

"You're home," I whispered the only words that were safe, knowing they wouldn't do a thing to save me.

But what more could I say?

I couldn't say what we both knew to be true. The words wouldn't move past my lips because I was too scared of what would follow. Admitting to anything could open the floodgates and break apart everything I knew. I wasn't ready for that kind of disaster, and part of me was still holding onto the vain hope that I could somehow talk my way out of this and avoid the subject entirely. But the rest of me was sick with the idea that I would hope for something like that at all. It made it seem as if I were ashamed of what I had with Levi, ashamed of myself, and I hated that anything could make me feel that way.

I hated him for making me feel that way.

"Who is he, Eren?"

I wanted to blurt out his name with the same bravado that I'd always had. I wanted to say his name and what he meant to me as if it didn't make a difference what anyone else thought. And in truth, it didn't. I didn't care who accepted us so long as I could be with him, even if we were alone in the end. It didn't matter to me if my father didn't approve of him or the idea of us.

But the thought that he wouldn't accept me was killing me inside.

"I don't know who you're talking about."

It couldn't even be called a lie with the way my voice trembled. I knew that I hadn't fooled him, I hadn't even come close, and yet I was still hoping that he would let it go. The man I had once called dad would have seen the fear in my eyes and dropped the subject immediately, but this wasn't him. I didn't know who this was. Those eyes didn't belong to anyone who'd ever loved me.

"You got out of his car, Eren," he continued, stressing my name as if it were the crack of a whip. It stung like one. "You were standing there with a man. You had your arms around him."

You kissed him.

The unspoken words hung between us, but I knew they were there. So loud and inescapable that I could almost feel them, almost see them hovering there like a glowing neon sign that wouldn't turn off. I had no way around this and I knew he wouldn't stop. He would keep pushing the subject until I caved, so I knew I had to say something. Even if it were small and a half-truth, it would have to do.

"He's a friend," I muttered the words, hating the taste. Hating the lie almost as much as I hated myself in that moment.

I was a coward.