I didn't know what hurt me more, knowing my relationship was based off a lie or that I actually thought Justin had changed. It was weird to think that I was back where I started. Before I had met him, I knew my motives and what I wanted. I knew well. I knew to stay away from guys. The only thing that seemed to matter back then was making sure I had good grades so I could get a well paying job. I only wanted to move away from my father. I wanted to be independent. However, I let myself get jumbled in this sickening love shit. Not only did I fall for Isaac, I even dared to have a relationship with Justin. The guy who put me through many rough situations. The sad part is that I was starting to ease down with my insecurities.
I have come a long way. But I feel good to say that today, right now, I can see why I am here.
After Luke had left, I had stayed outside for a good two hours, just thinking about all that I regretted and all that I will never forget. I didn't know how I was going to face Justin with a brave face but I had to it soon.
He actually had managed to make me fall for him and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't going to miss having his lips on mine. Even though it was all just a stupid lie, I was still into him. I couldn't just let go. I never can.
I finally got the courage to go back to the room and Katie was still sound asleep.
I quietly slid onto my bed and hugged my blanket.
Freaking Justin.
~*~
I woke up around 7:30 in the morning and got dressed for class.
It was a new day.
"Morning," Katie greeted with a cheerful smile.
"Hey, did you sleep well?" I questioned as I poured some milk in the cereal bowl.
She shrugged, "I guess, how about you?"
I frowned, "It was a decent sleep."
Katie studied my face for a bit.
Please don't tell me she was aware that I had been crying.
I forced a smile and she seemed to believe it since she continued her focus on getting dressed.
"I'm just waiting for summer break already. I could really go to the beach," Katie started.
I laughed, "Tell me about it."
"One more month and then summer here I come!" She chanted.
I shot her a silly smile and finished my breakfast.
After eating, I slipped into a pair of skinny jeans and a grey shirt.
Finally, I applied some make-up, making sure to hide any hint that may reveal I had been crying.
I wasn't willing to answer all the questions like, "Hey, are you okay?"
I swear no one seems to answer that question honestly anymore. If people were to truly answer how they were feeling, it would be a never ending answer.
I sighed to myself as I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
I had to face Justin today. Unless he magically decided to skip class.
~*~
I walked to my English class and congratulated myself when I found an empty seat beside Bethany. She didn't talk much but I was hoping she would be okay with me sitting beside her.
"Hey, is this seat taken?" I asked her, politely.
She shot me a puzzled look an then finally shook her head.
I smiled at her and made myself comfortable on the chair.
We both sat in silence and as much as I wanted to ease the silence, I just wasn't up for it.
After a few minutes, the warning bell rang and all my classmates rushed into the room. Including Justin.
God, help me.
I couldn't even look at him without having anger boil inside me.
He looked over to where I sat and raised an eyebrow as we made eye contact.
I looked away instantly but from the corner of my eye, I could see him making his way towards me.
"Uhmm, so Bethany, what do you plan on becoming in the future?" I tried to distract myself.
She shrugged, "I want to go into Journalism."
Before I could reply, we were interrupted by him.
Here it goes.
"Babe?" He called.
I turned to face him.Don't babe me.
Bethany turned away from us and started talking to a girl behind us.
Hmm, not so quiet anymore.
"What?" I asked, remaining cool.
"Is there a reason you decided to sit here today?" He asked, "Look everything with Luke, let's not let it get between us."
"It already has gotten between us, Justin."
He looked surprised, "Come sit with me."
"No." I stated.
"Come sit with me or I'll make a scene."
"Don't pull that stuff with me. I want to sit here and I'm not moving." I snapped.
"So you're mad at me? You're letting Luke get to your head."
"Just let me sit here. Go away."
He furrowed his eyebrows as his face plastered with anger.
"We'll talk later," he said at last and walked away.
I don't want to talk to you.
But the sensible side of me knew it was better to break up with him in person. Although, I was going to take a lot to not cry.
Mrs. Hilton walked into the room and started by handing out some worksheets.
Every once in a while, I could see Justin looking at me.
It was quite intimidating. This whole situation was messed up.
Just looking at him makes me want to scream and slap him across the face.
I busied myself with the work provided and waited for class to end.
~*~
Right when the bell rang, I rushed to my next class, hoping Justin wouldn't catch up.
Lucky for me, I entered my tech class before him.
I searched the room and found Isaac, sitting at his regular seat.
He waved to me and I sat beside him.
"How's my best friend?" He asked, happily.
"Why so happy?" I asked, dodging his question.
He smiled widely.
"What?" I asked again.Just tell me already!
"Remember that guy I told you about?" He asked.
I thought about it.A guy. Isaac. Gay.
Right.
"Yes."
"We're officially dating!"
I smiled, for real this time and pulled him into a hug.
"I'm so happy for you! Just try not to get too attached. It sucks having to deal with heartbreak," I advised.
He looked at me weird, "Did something happen between you and him?" He pointed to Justin as he finished his sentence.
"Rather not talk about it right now."
He nodded, understanding.
"So when do I get to meet your boyfriend?" I tried to lighten the conversation.
"Soon. I'm still trying to get used to this. It's weird to think I thought I was straight this whole time," he chuckled.
"It'll take a while but I'm just so proud of you."
He gave me one of those rare sweet Isaac smiles and I think it was enough to lighten my mood.~*~
After tech class, I walked out of class with Isaac.
Isaac told me he had to catch up with some work so he couldn't go out for lunch with me.
I looked around for Taylor and cursed myself for not making plans with her earlier.
I felt a grip on my arm and suddenly, I was pulled into a muscular chest.
"We need to talk," Justin said, pulling me to a less crowded area.
I pulled away from him in an instant and and then stepped away from him.
"You lied," I spat.
He just stared at me.
"About?"
"About us. About our relationship," I said, feeling the urge to cry, "You just wanted to use me."
"I didn-" He started.
"Stop. Stop lying!" I yelled, "The fight with Luke. He recorded everything you said."
"Fucking Luke." He cursed under his breath.
"After everything you did to me, I still gave you a chance. I let myself believe you were a good person. What did I ever do to you? I actually cared for you!"
"I'm sorry." He said, his voice almost a whisper.
"Sorry doesn't change anything. I can't trust you anymore. I-I-I can't even look at you without wanted to slap you."
He reached for my hand and gripped onto it, "I really am sorry. I do love you. I just didn't think I would in the beginning."
I pulled away from him and pushed him back with force, "I feel so stupid. I can't trust you. All this time, I thought our relationship was getting better day by day."
Tears stained my cheeks and his face held a unexplained look.
"I didn't think I would start to like you. But I was wrong. My intentions changed throughout our relationship. I started to care for you. Please, believe me."
"I can't. I don't want to talk to you." I admitted.
"I'm sorry. Please." He pleaded.
He made another effort to pull me towards him.
"Stop." I said.
"You can't break up with me." He gritted his teeth.
"Yes I can. You had it coming. You hurt me, Justin. You have no idea how this feels. I don't think I've ever felt so worthless before," I responded, my voice barely coming out strong.
"Let me make it up to you," he suggested.
My cheeks flushed with anger and I fought the urge to slap him.
"Leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with you."
And then I walked away.
~*~
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Hidden Secrets (Jelena)
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