You're A Mess, Tangled With Your Confidence

The Question

"So, Jake I was wondering . . ." he paused, waiting until he was sure I was even listening. I was typing on my phone and I was listening to a song in my head so I didn't realize he had spoken until I saw him basically staring at me. I sat up more, awkwardly locking my phone. 

"Yeah?" it was one of those constant moments where I wanted to hit myself. I tried really hard not to think about anything else like homework or bands. 

"I was wondering if you would hang out with me on Friday?" there it was. The normal moments that made me nervous. He was still wearing his shades but I couldn't help but imagine that fiery orange I'd been unable to forget about. We were sitting at lunch and I wasn't feeling particularly hungry and just ended up scrolling on my phone. I was also wondering about what songs I could do covers of or possible lyrics to add to a new song I was thinking about. I refocused to find him still staring at me, an eyebrow raised in uncertainty and I fought the need to cough. 

"Oh, um, when?" I hoped I wasn't blushing like an idiot or forgetting about something he could've been trying to talk to me about. I was so out of it. 

"Uhhh. . . .anytime? I don't exactly do much. Just lots of video games, Netflix, internet, sword training, pesty little bros who pull constant prank style bullshit, and yeah. Unless you had something in mind. But, I'm down for whatever." he said this while doodling on his class notes, which wasn't much. I wondered how he had such good grades. I never recalled him actually paying attention in class. 

"Well, we can hang out my house maybe. I can't really think of much else." he smirked, stealing a glance at me and going back to one of his multiple intricate and thought out drawings. He was really good at it. I doubted he made it a big deal though. Between him and his brothers, they were all talented. 

"Is it one of your legendary daydream type days?" I scoffed at his sarcasm, finding myself smiling. 

"That's probably obvious. But yeah we can hang at my house. If you want to." I kept overthinking everything. I was comfortable with him but I couldn't help that I had terrible attention spans. I was doing it again. 

"Totally. Like I said, I'm down for whatever. You can tell me when to come over. When you're less. . . . . distracted." I felt my smile widen and I shrugged. 

"What can I say? Part of my charm." he chuckled, shaking his head. 

"Sure, English. I should probably tell you something. But, it can wait. It's not too important I guess. But about that thing at the forest. . Sorry if I came off as paranoid. It's habit." 

"You say that like you've been breaking the law or something." he was the one who shrugged this time, his nonchalant aura returning rather than the rigid one I couldn't bear. 

"Possibly. Also not important. What is important is what you're so aloof about." I bit back any heat of the moment comments. 

"Aloof." he probably rolled his eyes. 

"You know what I'm putting down. That one important thing I was going to tell you. Don't let it bother that pretty head of yours. It was just a sort of question, I guess. Y'know when we sang together in the park? Kinda stupid but, I wanted to know if you would do that with me again. It was just something I've been thinking about a lot." I put everything into keeping myself from blushing, fidgeting, or even leaving. I averted my eyes in fear I might chicken out. 

"Yes, I'd like to sing with you again too. We can do that. On Friday." Fuck. No. Don't freak out. It's cool. It's not like it's a date. Would it be? As I mentally interrogated myself he answered in his normal melodic tone. 

"Sounds good. I could even help you with your songwriting. If that's cool." 

"Yeah, no, it's alright. I actually have been having a hard case of writer's block." 

"Awesome. Well, the bell's about to ring. Catch you later." just after he spoke it went off. I didn't have to look up to know he was already gone. Typical.